Sports Ball 2021 Week 1 Review

by Rachel

Beards vs Seacows

It was a clean shaven Tom Brady who lead the Silky Smooth Super Seacows to best the Busted Bushy Beards ‘R Us. “The Beards need another week to grow in,” according to Jayse after recording the week’s lowest score. Next week they will try to avoid getting scorched by the Fire Pandas.

Purple Moose vs The Replacements

The league’s two newest teams went head to head this week. The Replacements got a strong start on Thursday night, but it seems every Purple Moose player showed up on Sunday, securing the top score of the week.

Fire Pandas vs Team Sorto

After Thursday night, where these teams played Cowboys WRs against each other, Tricia was in full sulk mode until we got off the plane in Vancouver on Sunday and it turned out she had won. She had this to say about it: “Never underestimate the🔥🐼 !  We’re blazing our way out of (projected) last place with Patty Mahomes leading the way.” It might be an expensive season for the McAdams household as Tricia is now insisting on being airborne while her team plays.

Real Slim Brady vs Bad News Bears

It was a bad week for Jonathan, falling foul of a dismal performance from Aaron Rodgers and getting no help from the rest of the team. Will they bounce back? Or will it be more bad news, Bears? They play the Seacows in week 2. Real Slim Brady on the other hand had some huge stand out performances and will be a team to beat in the weeks to come.

Eurasia Collared Doves vs Battling Finger Puppets

Easily the game of the week, Carrie and John decided to battle it out on Monday night. 3.46 points decided this one with Waller and Jacobs facing off against Jackson and Brown, and it came down to the wire. But when the dust settled, there was only the sound of: Coo! Victorious Coo!

Standings After Week 1

At this point in the season, point differential matters. Outstanding performances from Real Slim Brady and the Purple Moose see those teams leading their respective divisions.

Projections aka The Chart of Lies

There has been a lot of movement on the chart. That convincing win has pushed the Purple Moose into first place. Real Slim Brady also received a bump up as did the previously last place Fire Pandas. After a brief moment at the top, The Replacements have been displaced down to third. But don’t worry Amy, it’s a chart of lies, just look at the Seacows, a week one win resulted in a demotion from 8th to 9th, this chart is clearly flawed.

Preview of this week’s games

Super Seacows vs Bad News Bears

Possibly a revenge game for both Aaron Rodgers and Jonathan, can the Bad News Bears stall the Super Seacows this week?

Beards vs Fire Pandas

Jayse will be looking to bounce back this week against Tricia’s Fire Pandas while she’s still riding high on her victory from last week. GIFs have been thrown down in the group chat already, those Fire Pandas are going to adorably monch those Beards…

The Replacements vs Real Slim Brady

The Chart of Lies will be watching this game closely, the winner will surely be awarded a boost to their projected finish. 

Purple Moose vs Euasian Collared Doves

The projected outcome favors the Purple Moose going into this match up, but the Doves are no stranger to being the underdog, lets see which of these teams end the week 2-0.

Team Sorto vs Battling Finger Puppets

These teams are fighting it out for their first win of the season. Battle for our amusement, Finger Puppets, it’s going to be Sorto great…except for the loser, who will go 0-2 and face the displeasure of The Chart.