Last Week’s Games
Super Seacows Vs Battling Finger Puppets
There were a lot of things to blame for the Seacows’ loss like an injury to Antonio Gibson and the usual solid performance from the Finger Puppets who are averaging 141 point per game so far this season. But may it be known that the Seacows blame Miles Gaskin. As a dolphin (and fellow sea mammal) coming off a 31 point week 5, Gaskin tricked me into believing he could be started, he ended the game with 3.4 points, sinking my chances and becoming the first player named in my new segment: ScapeCow of the week. Miles Gaskin, may you float to the top of your aquarium belly up.
Carrie continues to share the lead in her division tied with the Fire Pandas and Purple Moose.
Beards R’ Us Vs Purple Moose
Another slightly-too-close shave for the Beards this week as they lose to the Purple Moose 109 to 112. Jayse abandoned the beard strategy, putting Daniel Jones in at QB. Choosing smart football plays over an amusing draft strategy did not pay off however, as Jones ended the game with 4 points. Meanwhile on waivers, Carson Wentz and his ginger face fuzz picked up a potentially week winning 17 points.
Eric is also involved in that tie for first place in the plucky underdog division and snaps his streak to go 4-2.
Real Slim Brady Vs Fire Pandas
The Fire Pandas laugh in the face of the undefeated, and then defeat them! Tricia brought it all against Real Slim Brady and got the highest score of all teams this week. Fortunately for Krista, Tricia would not listen all the times I told her to gloat in the chat, so there was only a mild ribbing. She didn’t take the opportunity to point out that literally anyone could have beaten Krista this week, and did not joke about the rest of Real Slim Bradys season being headed to IR never to return just like CMC.
Bad News Bears vs Eurasian Collared Doves
If there was an award for pluckiest underdog, the Doves would come in second place by a wingtip. Another close game that came down to it on Monday night, the ECD soared to a lofty 122 but then were swatted out of the sky by the giant bear paw that is Derick Henry. Jonathan adds another win, bringing his streak to 5 consecutive, including 3 top scores. Don’t peak too soon now Bears, lots of games left to play.
The replacements vs Team Sorto
Team Sorto comfortably maintains their perfect record against the replacements who put up a top score contending 139 points in the contest. The sneaker logo is perhaps indicative of Amy’s strategy in her first season, decidedly mid-table with an exactly even record but the potential to put up week winning scores that no one saw coming…sneaky.
Standings After Week 5
Very little changed this week, Real Slim Brady remain on top…for now.
The Chart (of Lies)
Bad News Bears remain chart favorites but the Battling Finger Puppets replace Real Slim Brady in projected second, it seems the chart is as much a fan of their rivalry as we are.
The replacements continue their weekly creep back up the projections 4th to 3rd this week…
In the basement the Beards and Seacows are fighting over the comfy bean bag of last place; the Seacows have it for now.
Despite their glorious streak snapping win, the Fire Pandas pause on the steps to see what the fuss is about, allowing Team Sorto to somehow remain a step ahead.
Preview of This Week’s Games
Eurasian Collared Doves vs Super Seacows
These two teams share the same 2-4 record and will both be looking to put a bit of day light between themselves and the bottom of the board in this contest.
Purple Moose vs Real Slim Brady
These two were the teams to beat back in the early weeks of the season, and with a tight race in the plucky underdog division, the Moose will be hoping for more low scores from the Bradys. First place in the league is up for grabs if Krista loses this game so it really is all to play for.
Fire Pandas vs Bad News Bears
Can the Fire Pandas make ending winning streaks a habit, or do they only enjoy beating undefeated teams? We shall see this week when they take on the Bad News Bears.
Battling Finger Puppets vs the replacements
The stat projections have the replacements slightly ahead in this contest. This could be another battle for the heart of the chart of lies, as these teams are projected 2nd and 3rd place. Could a win seal Carrie as a solid second? But nobody puts Amy in the corner! The fight for the chart’s fickle heart commences on Thursday night!
Team Sorto vs Beards R us
Basement battle royale! Both teams seem to be resistant to winning but who hates victory the most? Arguably Adriana, who hates it so much she has never done it this season. However, I hear Jayse tried it once and it was awful.