Sports Ball 2021 Week 2 Review

by Rachel

Last Week’s Games

Super Seacows vs Bad News Bears

Bad news, Seacows. The Bears came to play this week. Guess losing is almost inevitable when Derick Henry outscores 6 Seacows on his own. And on top of that, Aaron Rodgers hopped on the revenge train, securing the top score of the week for the Bad News Bears. Someone call the SPCA, Seacow abuse!

Beards vs Fire Pandas

The Fire Pandas were leading this one going into Monday night, hoping the Beards’ Aaron Jones would remain patchy. The Beards had narrowed the gap to only 5 points by half time and unfortunately for the Fire Pandas, Detroit had no answer for Jones either. 

“If only your line up was as good as your GIFs,” said Jayse of the Beards as they racked up the win and both teams are 1-1.

Replacements vs Real Slim Brady

Everything went right for Real Slim Brady. Krista sat smugly on the end of my sofa on Sunday while Adriana, Tricia and myself watched our dreams die. 

But even with a mighty haul of 159.5 points, Real Slim Brady only managed the third highest score of the week.

Rip off the band aid: Amy goes 0-2.

Purple Moose vs Eurasian Collared Doves

The other competitive game this week was fought between the Moose and Doves. The Purple Moose were ahead at the end of Sunday’s games but faced ECDs first round pick Adams. The revenge game narrative held true for the Packers, but it was Jones of the Beards, not Adams, who had the monster game, so there was no sounding of the victorious Coo. A modest performance from D Swift on the other side of the ball ensured the Doves were trampled underhoof. “What a coo-ruel result.” Quite, John, quite.

Team Sorto vs Battling Finger Puppets

A new logo for Team Sorto didn’t bring any luck in this match up. The Finger Puppets battled, or more accurately massacred their way to victory, and just kept going on Monday night making a push for top score of the week only to be narrowly beaten by Bad News Bears.

Standings After Week 2

Real Slim Brady might have been denied the top score of the week but they are top of the league averaging 150 points a game so far. 

The Chart (of Lies)

I don’t know what the Purple Moose have done to piss off The Chart but it must have been something bad. Last week the Moose were projected to finish first, and after putting another game in the win column have somehow doomed themselves to 6th place? What did you do, Eric?

The Chart has hopped on the Real Slim Brady bandwagon and cast The Replacements down from third place to seventh, setting them up for an epic come back. You’ll show them, Replacements, you’ll show them all!

Beards and Seacows remain in the basement playing video games and eating cheetos while the ECD and Finger Puppets both get a boost. 

Preview of This Week’s Games

Seacows vs Replacements

The Replacements will be looking to pick up their first win of the season against the Seacows. Both teams were badly beaten last week. Commenting on the loss, I had this to say: “Pfft, it’s water off a manatee’s back” Very inspiring, the team is sure to bounce back unless the Replacements find their beginner’s luck.

Eurasian Collared Doves vs Real Slim Brady

Chart favorites Krista and the Slim Bradys were denied a top 2 finish in points scored last week and will want to set that right. They will need every point they can get against a team that has been battling it out to the last play every game so far this season. Can the Doves pull it off this week? The Chart will be watching.

Bad News Bears vs Beards R’ Us

Beards are riding high on last week’s come from behind win, insert string of GiFs here. But bad news, Beards, the Bad News Bears are riding the beard of Derick Henry, patchy and chin-clinging as it may be. 

Battling Finger Puppets vs Fire Pandas

A rematch of last year’s second round playoff game, the momentum is with the Finger Puppets but beware, Tricia is on vacation this weekend.

Team Sorto vs Purple Moose

The 0-2 Sortos go up against the 2-0 Purple Moose. The app has the moose ahead 0.1 so it’s set to be a close one. Will Team Sorto pull out a win or will the Moose go marching on?