Tabletop and Video Games

How Can I Find a Safe and Comfortable D&D Group if I’m a Queer Lady?

Queer Lady D&D

Dear Roar Cat is an advice column for questions about D&D. Send in your questions to

How Can I Find a Safe and Comfortable D&D Group if I’m a Queer Lady?

Dear Roar Cat,

I want to get into Dungeons and Dragons, but as a queer woman, I don’t always feel comfortable in what I call “nerd bro” spaces. How can I find people to play with if I don’t want to just walk into a gaming store?

-I Just Want to Kick the Door Down

Dear I Just Want to Kick the Door Down,

As a queer lady myself, I want to start by saying I get it. Although a lot of nerdy spaces are female-friendly and gay-positive, it only takes one weird look or some unwanted attention to put you off even trying.

Unfortunately, you ARE going to have to try. Joining a new group is always a little awkward, so the first step will be to embrace the awkward and put yourself out there regardless. It will be worth it, I promise!

The good news is, there are lot of friendly queer spaces online and IRL. Start with some of the groups that you are already a part of: Are you in a book club? Do you have a nerdy group chat? It doesn’t hurt to ask them if anyone wants to try a one-off game of D&D. You might be surprised at who has a secret history with role playing games.

Personally, I have found friends in two unusual online spaces: I met my current D&D group on Meetup. I joined a group called “Vancouver Nerdy Ladies Club” and started a conversation saying that I was interested in starting an all-ladies D&D group. A couple people responded, friends were added, and it’s now we’ve been playing together for two years.

I also met a friend through a Patreon forum. I joined a group that was focused on queer nerdy content and started a conversation, saying I was new to Vancouver and asking if anyone wanted to hang out. I met a girl who is still my friend two years later – we even started a podcast together!

My point is, make your intentions known and get creative with online platforms.

Alternatively, you have found Roar Cat Reads! Both Rachel and Tricia are professional DMs and run sessions for just $12.50/person for a 2-3 hour session. Send us an email at if you’re interested in hiring us!

Level up,

Roar Cat

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3 comments on “How Can I Find a Safe and Comfortable D&D Group if I’m a Queer Lady?

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