Tabletop and Video Games

How Can I Find a Safe and Comfortable D&D Group if I’m a Queer Lady?

Dear Roar Cat, I want to get into Dungeons and Dragons, but as a queer woman, I don't always feel comfortable in what I call "nerd bro" spaces. How can I find people to play with if I don't want to just walk into a gaming store?

An Advice Column for D&D Players and Dungeon Masters

Dear Roar Cat,

I want to get into Dungeons and Dragons, but as a queer woman, I don’t always feel comfortable in what I call “nerd bro” spaces. How can I find people to play with if I don’t want to just walk into a gaming store?

-I Just Want to Kick the Door Down

Dear I Just Want to Kick the Door Down,

As a queer lady myself, I want to start by saying I get it. Although a lot of nerdy spaces are female-friendly and gay-positive, it only takes one weird look or some unwanted attention to put you off even trying.

Unfortunately, you ARE going to have to try. Joining a new group is always a little awkward, so the first step will be to embrace the awkward and put yourself out there regardless. It will be worth it, I promise!

The good news is, there are lot of friendly queer spaces online and IRL. Start with some of the groups that you are already a part of: Are you in a book club? Do you have a nerdy group chat? It doesn’t hurt to ask them if anyone wants to try a one-off game of D&D. You might be surprised at who has a secret history with role playing games.

Personally, I have found friends in two unusual online spaces: I met my current D&D group on Meetup. I joined a group called “Vancouver Nerdy Ladies Club” and started a conversation saying that I was interested in starting an all-ladies D&D group. A couple people responded, friends were added, and it’s now we’ve been playing together for two years.

I also met a friend through a Patreon forum. I joined a group that was focused on queer nerdy content and started a conversation, saying I was new to Vancouver and asking if anyone wanted to hang out. I met a girl who is still my friend two years later – we even started a podcast together!

My point is, make your intentions known and get creative with online platforms.

Alternatively, you have found Roar Cat Reads! Both Rachel and Tricia play D&D and run sessions as DMs. We could run a session or play an adventure that you’ve created with the goal of connecting you with other queer nerdy ladies who want to play Dungeons and Dragons and other RPGs.

If you don’t want to play with strangers but don’t know anyone who knows the rules, this might be fate telling you that you should be a DM! If that’s the case, we plan to share some tips on how to start DMing in future blog posts. Let us know if there is anything in particular that you would like to know!

Level up,

Roar Cat

1 comment on “How Can I Find a Safe and Comfortable D&D Group if I’m a Queer Lady?

  1. Pingback: Happy Pride Month! – Roar Cat Reads

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