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  • All the (Silmarillion) Feels | Chapter 9: Of the Flight of the Noldor

    All the (Silmarillion) Feels | Chapter 9: Of the Flight of the Noldor

    All the (Silmarillion) Feels is an emotion- and story-focused summary of The Silmarillion. You’ll get facts, but that’s not the point here. Let’s talk themes, meaningful quotes, and moments that made us go “WHOA.” I started this project after falling in love with The Rings of Power television show, so expect me to focus on things to do with Galadriel and Sauron.


    Chapter 9: Of the Flight of the Noldor

    We’re diving into morally complex characters, overly-hasty oaths, and a return to Middle-earth!

    Melkor Becomes Morgoth

    After Melkor and Ungoliant team up to take down the Light of the Trees of Valinor, they continue wreaking havoc by killing Finwë, King of the Noldor Elves and stealing Fëanor’s precious Silmarils before escaping across the northern ice wastes back to his old fortress of Angband.

    Ungoliant is hunger personified, and the Light of the Trees is not enough to satiate her. She wants to eat all the plunder they stole from Valinor, which Melkor feeds her until it comes to the Silmarils, which he will not give her. She hates this, and TRAPS MELKOR IN HER WEBS! Melkor is the biggest bad around, we’re told; he was there during the creation of the world, messing things up, and here he is being trapped by a spider! All hail Ungoliant, our Dark Queen. The only thing that saves Melkor is his cries for help, which awakens his old friends the Balrogs. They use their whips of fire to free him and chase Ungoliant off. She heads south, where:

    “Of the fate of Ungoliant no tale tells. Yet some have said that she ended long ago, when in her uttermost famine she devoured herself at last.”

    The Silmarillion, page 87

    RIP Ungoliant.

    Melkor pretends this never happened and makes a crown for himself using the Silmarils. They burn his hands and the crown is heavy, but fashion is pain. He settles into his evil abode with a new name (from Fëanor): Morgoth, the Black Foe of the World.

    Bound by an Oath

    You would think Fëanor would come across pretty sympathetically here, as his dad was just murdered and his work of a lifetime was stolen from him. Unfortunately, he JUST set a precedent for not giving a shit about these sorts of things.

    You see, Yavanna is lamenting the loss of the Trees, her greatest creation, when she realizes that she could perhaps remake them if Fëanor would allow her to use the Silmarils (they are crafted from the Light of the Trees). Faced with a world of literal darkness with the opportunity to be a hero by providing some light, Fëanor says no.

    It’s a real whoopsie, because he pretty much immediately thereafter learns that Morgoth has stolen his Silmarils. If he hadn’t just been so miserly, the Valar might have helped him recover them from Morgoth. They understandably do not, and Fëanor’s paranoia and rage coalesce into the Oath that will drive the rest of this book.

    “They swore an oath…vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World Vala, Demon, Elf or Man as yet unborn or any creature, great or small, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should hold or take or keep a Silmaril from their possession.”

    The Silmarillion page 90

    Fëanor swears by this Oath, and so do his seven sons. A bunch of the other Noldor are drawn into the high emotion of it all, some making the Oath and others going along for family but with mixed feelings. Among them is Galadriel, who “was eager to be gone. No oaths she swore, but the words of Fëanor concerning Middle-earth had kindled in her heart, for she yearned to see the wide unguarded lands and to rule there a realm at her own will.” I love an ambitious woman!

    From Worse to Worser

    There’s a real mob mentality going on by this point, and Fëanor goes to the sea-loving latecomer Elves, the Teleri, to use their ships to sail to Middle-earth. They are super bummed by all that has gone down, and they try to calm everyone down and repair rather than revenge. This is the last thing Fëanor wants, so he attacks the Elves at the harbor and steals their ships. We went from centuries of peace to brothers pointing swords at each other to full on murder REAL fast.

    Tolkien does such a good job of showing how whipping people into a frenzy spirals out of control and leads people to acts they would normally not commit. When the less spicy Noldor see Elves fighting each other by the ships, they assume the Teleri started things because they’ve bought into Fëanor’s paranoia that everyone is out to get them. They have to live with the fact that they became murderers because they followed a madman.

    I also want to point out the hypocrisy of Fëanor. His whole deal is that these Silmarils are his life work, and he’ll do anything to keep them. But Yavanna feels the same way about the Trees, and he rebuffed her. And Olwë feels the same way about his ships, but Fëanor steals them. His needs supersede everyone else’s.

    The bonds of family don’t even matter to him (which isn’t actually much of a surprise if you’ve been keeping track), because he winds up leaving behind a bunch of his followers because there are too few ships. No discussion, no compromise, just Fëanor and his sons sailing easily to Middle-earth and BURNING THE SHIPS rather than going back for everyone else. Fingolfin, Finrod, and Galadriel cross the ice wastes, and by the time they reach Middle-earth, they have little love left for Fëanor.

    A Doom Pronounced

    This all got pretty dire, and the Valar are unhappy, to say the least. They are also unhelpful, which I hate every time they see a problem and think, “We should wait.”

    However, the Valar do pronounce the Doom of the Noldor upon them as the Elves leave Valinor.

    “Their Oath shall drive them, and yet betray them, and ever snatch away the very treasures that they have sworn to pursue. To evil end shall all things turn that they begin will; and by treason of kin unto kin, and the fear of treason, shall this come to pass. The Dispossessed shall they be for ever.”

    The Silmarillion page 95-96

    That’s a good Greek mythology curse right there!


    Tune in next time to see what our great lovebirds Thingol and Melian have been up to, as well as a surprise appearance by the Dwarves in Middle-earth!

  • Lavender House by Lev AC Rosen

    Lavender House by Lev AC Rosen

    Genre | Mystery Historical Fiction
    Page #s | 274
    Publishing Date | October 2022

    A delicious story from a new voice in suspense, Lev AC Rosen’s Lavender House is Knives Outwith a queer historical twist.

    Lavender House, 1952: the family seat of recently deceased matriarch Irene Lamontaine, head of the famous Lamontaine soap empire. Irene’s recipes for her signature scents are a well guarded secret—but it’s not the only one behind these gates. This estate offers a unique freedom, where none of the residents or staff hide who they are. But to keep their secret, they’ve needed to keep others out. And now they’re worried they’re keeping a murderer in. 

    Irene’s widow hires Evander Mills to uncover the truth behind her mysterious death. Andy, recently fired from the San Francisco police after being caught in a raid on a gay bar, is happy to accept—his calendar is wide open. And his secret is the kind of secret the Lamontaines understand. 

    Andy had never imagined a world like Lavender House. He’s seduced by the safety and freedom found behind its gates, where a queer family lives honestly and openly. But that honesty doesn’t extend to everything, and he quickly finds himself a pawn in a family game of old money, subterfuge, and jealousy—and Irene’s death is only the beginning. 

    When your existence is a crime, everything you do is criminal, and the gates of Lavender House can’t lock out the real world forever. Running a soap empire can be a dirty business.

    Goodreads

    Sometimes you don’t even realize a genre needs a queer spin until you suddenly read a book that makes you think, “Oh, this is perfect!” That was Lavender House for me. Telling a murder mystery set in the 1950s from the perspective of a queer cop-turned-private-investigator gave new meaning to many tropes. Why is the PI so jaded? Because he’s a newly outed gay man who lives in a homophobic society and risks daily harassment or worse! Why is the location he’s hired to work in strangely remote and isolated? Because it’s a found family of queer people who do their best to avoid the attention of the outside world! It all makes sense.

    Rosen is a very engaging storyteller. Where the other book of his that I’ve read (Camp) was lighthearted, Lavender House is darker but no less propulsive. I really admired the way he told a story focused on queer people but in a way that felt historically accurate. As for the mystery itself, the hints and twists were fun. Not, to my mind, groundbreaking or entirely surprising, but the story told along the way made up for a so-so reveal.

    As in any murder mystery, the cast of characters makes or breaks the story, and I loved the characters in the Lavender House estate. Whether family or staff, each person on site has a story or secret that could be motivation for murder. I especially liked seeing how gay men, lesbians, and people of varying ages found a way to make peace with their voluntary self-isolation and closeted public existences.

    This is apparently the first of a series, and I cannot wait to see more Evander Mills solving gay crimes. Very fun twist on a classic genre.

    Who Do I Recommend This Book To?

    If you like a quick murder mystery or enjoy reading about queer people surviving in different time periods, check out Lavender House!

    Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!

  • Queerly Beloved: Wedding Values

    Queerly Beloved: Wedding Values

    Welcome to Queerly Beloved, a series of personal essays about my journey as an LGBTQ+ person planning for my wedding in June 2023. Through this series, I’ll be sharing my thoughts, experiences, and advice as I navigate the joys and challenges of planning a wedding. I hope that by sharing my story, I can help make weddings for queer couples a little bit easier and a lot more fun. So whether you’re getting ready to tie the knot, have already taken the plunge, or just want to join me on my journey for a bit, I invite you to come along for the ride!


    When Rachel and I created Roar Cat Reads, we identified six core values that we wanted to inform the experience. Those values have proved to be very useful in keeping ourselves focused on what truly matters, and we put them to use in planning our wedding.

    This felt especially important as a way to resist the siren call of the wedding industrial complex. Because I am the event planner and dreamer of our partnership, I was the one with wedding Pinterest boards and a slew of wedding podcasts queued up. This was very useful in many ways, but it was also easy for me to start thinking, “We have to do this, because everyone talks about it like a done deal.” Luckily, Rachel has mostly stayed out of these spaces, so when I start to spiral, she will suggest a walk through Stanley Park where we talk and re-center ourselves in our values. The four values we keep coming back to are Integrity, Simplicity, Equality, and Community.

    Integrity

    In the wedding context, integrity meant staying true to ourselves. There are a lot of assumptions about what is required for a party to be a wedding, and I found it difficult sometimes to find that balance between something that is meaningful for our relationship while still feeling recognizably like a wedding (which was important to me). Here are some examples of things we changed to fit our preferences and relationships:

    • No dancing! Neither Rachel nor I like to dance beyond a chaotic de-stressing living room flail. Ironically, this was one of the easiest things we decided to throw out, but one of the most entrenched assumptions we’ve run into when talking to people about our wedding.
    • Board game reception! In place of dancing, we’re gaming. One of Rachel’s bridesmaids told us to “plan a party you would want to go to,” and from there it was obvious that we needed to include board games in our reception.
    • No giving away! I’ve never been a fan of fathers giving away daughters during the ceremony, but I do think it’s nice when families walk their kid down the aisle. However, that felt weirdly performative for us, since both of our parents live in separate countries and anyway, we’ve lived together for nearly three years. We’re going to walk down the aisle together, instead, to symbolize that getting married is just one step along a path we’re already on.
    • Afternoon tea! Rachel and I love an afternoon tea. It’s one of our favorite things to do while traveling, and we’ve been slowly but surely building up the accoutremonts to host afternoon teas at home. So when we found out we could hire an afternoon tea caterer, we knew that reflected who we are and what we love.

    Simplicity

    I love planning, but that love does not extend to decorating. Thinking about how to decorate the space was literally the thing that caused me the most stress. Wedding colors? Flowers? Bunting? No thank you! Instead of decorations, it was important for us to find a venue that had enough character that we could get away with minimal decor.

    I think simplicity also meant having a “good enough” mentality throughout the planning process. This was especially relevant in choosing our wedding outfits. We were both ambivalent about what we wanted, which is SO not allowed in the wedding world. There is so much pressure to have a magical moment with your clothing. Neither of us had that, but we did have a “that’s good enough” moment, which truly was good enough!

    What simplicity did NOT mean for us was saving money to the point of not enjoying the party. We splurged when we wanted to, like when we decided to go with an afternoon tea meal. It also applied to hair and makeup; I figured I could just handle that with a good enough mentality, but my bridespeople said, “Would it feel fun to take advantage of the opportunity to be made up by someone else?” And you know what, I think it would!

    Equality

    We have some friends who are vegetarians and/or gluten free, and it was important to us to find food that would be appealing to everyone. More importantly, we didn’t want gf or veggie options to feel othering. Afternoon tea for the win! Because it’s served on tiered platters, special menus can be assigned without looking any different from other people’s food.

    This is maybe a stretch to include, but I’ve always known I didn’t want to do a bouquet toss. I hated this tradition when I was single, as it made being single seem like a problem to be solved. We weren’t going to do anything in its place, but then I saw a stuffed cat toss that I really want to do instead! While I do not want to shame someone for being single, I DO want to shame someone for being catless, and whoever catches the stuffed cat will be the next person to adopt a feline friend.

    Community

    This was, by far, the most important value that we kept returning to over and over again. The whole point of hosting a wedding (for me) is to gather the people I love in one place. Whenever I got lost in details or started worrying that something wouldn’t be perfect, this value reminded me that it doesn’t matter if something goes wrong. What matters are the family and friends who I get to celebrate with.


    What values help keep you sane while planning a stressful event? What do you center your decisions on?

  • The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward

    The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward

    Genre | Nonfiction
    Page #s | 216
    Publishing Date | September 2020

    Heterosexuality is in crisis. Reports of sexual harassment, misconduct, and rape saturate the news in the era of #MeToo. Straight men and women spend thousands of dollars every day on relationship coaches, seduction boot camps, and couple’s therapy in a search for happiness.

    In The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, Jane Ward smartly explores what, exactly, is wrong with heterosexuality in the twenty-first century, and what straight people can do to fix it for good. She shows how straight women, and to a lesser extent straight men, have tried to mend a fraught patriarchal system in which intimacy, sexual fulfillment, and mutual respect are expected to coexist alongside enduring forms of inequality, alienation, and violence in straight relationships.

    Ward also takes an intriguing look at the multi-billion-dollar self-help industry, which markets goods and services to help heterosexual couples without addressing the root of their problems. Ultimately, she encourages straight men and women to take a page out of queer culture, reminding them “about the human capacity to desire, fuck, and show respect at the same time.”

    Goodreads

    With a title like The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, I was expecting a satirical, comedic take on the sad state of straight people. What I got instead was an academic treatise on the historical and social forces at work to create imbalanced and dangerous heterosexual dynamics and a feminist lesbian solution, and I loved it!

    The conditions of patriarchy have long damaged men’s desire for women, and women’s for men, such that heterosexuality, as a sexual orientation, was always already a contradiction. Women were too inferior, too degraded, for men to actually like. Women could be sexually desired, and they could be paternalistically loved; but they could not be engage as autonomous, self-determining humans in the way that men related to other men.

    The Tragedy of Heterosexuality

    The current iteration of heterosexuality (Ward walks readers through the historical shifts in male/female relationships over the past century, as well as the self-help books written to fix inherent problems therein) has a single, enormous flaw at the center of it: the misogyny paradox. Straight men are sexually attracted to women within a culture that belittles and insults them. This is why a guy can go from “You look beautiful today!” to “Learn to take a compliment, you bitch!” when his cat-calling goes unanswered.

    Most of the book is spent digging into all of the ways in which straight men and women have to work against stereotype in order to enjoy each other’s company; it’s grim but compelling. I read this a couple weeks after a friend of mine told me, “I know being gay isn’t a choice because I wouldn’t be straight if I had a choice. In my past relationships, I’ve been abused by more than half of my boyfriends, but I just keep being attracted to men.”

    “I am so lucky to have one of the good ones,” they say. Meanwhile, may of us queers are thinking, “That’s what counts as good?” We also know that the answer is yes, it is what counts as good, because as the folks quoted above explain, many straight men are violent and unpredictable.

    The Tragedy of Heterosexuality

    Although it was only a small portion of the book, I especially enjoyed the end when Ward shares ideas of how straight men can learn from lesbians as both share an attraction to women. Queer women tend to love women, with their weight gains and body hair and uniquenesses. Straight men, or straight male culture if we’re being generous and vague, love women who have waxed, dyed, and altered themselves.

    Of course, queer people and queer relationships are not inherently better than straight relationships, a point which Ward makes frequently. The difference comes from the fact that queer relationships operate outside of the system of tradition and assumptions that hamstring straight couples, even those who want to be progressive and feminist.

    Perhaps queers are doing no better, as many of us also lie, cheat, and engage in no end of painful behavior. But the thing about heterosexual misery that makes it so irreducible to human foible is that straight relationships are rigged from the start. Straight culture, unlike queer culture, naturalizes and often glorifies men’s failures and women’s suffering.

    The Tragedy of Heterosexuality

    I loved this book; it inspired a ton of conversations with my partner (my favorite of the moment is thinking through the difference between objectifying and subjectifying someone). At the heart of my love, I come back to what first drew me to this book. The title makes it clear that we’re flipping the script. Instead of assuming heterosexuality is the good and right default, queer relationships are allowed to take center stage as experiences full of meaning and wisdom that can be shared with our straight friends.

    Who Do I Recommend This Book To?

    If you’re a queer woman and a feminist and you like academic reading, run (don’t walk) to The Tragedy of Heterosexuality! And then talk to me about it!

    Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!

  • Curse of Strahd Review

    Curse of Strahd Review

    Under raging storm clouds, the vampire Count Strahd von Zarovich stands silhouetted against the ancient walls of Castle Ravenloft. Rumbling thunder pounds the castle spires. The wind’s howling increases as he turns his gaze down toward the village of Barovia. Far below, yet not beyond his keen eyesight, a party of adventurers has just entered his domain. Strahd’s face forms the barest hint of a smile as his dark plan unfolds. The master of Castle Ravenloft is having guests for dinner. And you are invited.

    Curse of Strand is a D&D 5e horror adventure released in March 2016. This popular adventure is a fun journey with a lot of amazing bonus content and progressive updates to the original material available online.

    Rating: 5 out of 5.

    Our Curse of Strahd Campaign

    I DMed Curse of Strahd from September 19, 2020 – October 30, 2022 (yes, we angled to finish on Halloween weekend). This campaign was one of the primary social activities I had during COVID, and during our two years playing together, our group met in person, outside in the park, or online depending upon what was safest at any given point. It was my first time running a campaign, but I had such a fun time combining the original material with bonus content I found online (listed at the end of this blog post).

    We started with four players and ended with three, which I think is pretty good for a two-year campaign! Meet the players and their characters:

    • Tricia (DM). Although I had experience running one-shots, this was my first campaign to manage. I especially loved roleplaying the following NPCs: Strahd, Szoldar (who took on an outsized role in our campaign), and Arabella.
    • Rachel (Ireena, human). Normally an NPC, Rachel infused Ireena’s character with trickster cleric energy, a passion for small business, and an intense hatred of Strahd.
    • Frank (Seraphina, half elf). As a Paladin to Athena, Seraphina was a righteous voice for good in a morally complex world.
    • Nick (Beldhur, elf). Strahd’s not the only one wrestling with a Dark Power, and Beldhur’s inner evil was a game changer in our final session.

    Curse of Strahd is an adventure designed to take players through traditional horror tropes like vampires, werewolves, and witches. We took a more “dark fantasy” approach full of quests and high emotions with a side of Buffy the Vampire Slayer-esque humor. The characters found themselves in the locked land of Barovia, ruled over by the vampire lord Strahd von Zarovich. He is obsessed with the local woman Ireena, and the players are tasked with keeping her safe from him and, along the way, saving the world from his evil rule! The playable world is a predefined valley with three main towns and a few dungeons, it has a lot of depth that allows locations to feel different when explored with new information. The small world also allows players to feel the impact of their actions, as decisions made in Vallaki have a spill over effect for other NPCs in other locations.

    Although the book is designed to take characters from level 1-10, my players got to level 12 because I included the Fanes additional content (described below), and each time the group reconsecrated a Fane location, they leveled up. Actually, Nick ended up level 14, because I offered him additional power if he pledged himself to his Dark Power. During the final battle when all seemed helpless, he accepted the deal!

    What Did I Do Differently?

    • Ireena was a PC. Making Ireena a playable character rather than an NPC allowed the initial adventure hook to feel impactful throughout the entire adventure. It also raised the emotional impact of revelations regarding Ireena’s surfacing memories as Tatyana, since it was directly related to one of my players rather than an NPC. I highly recommend this change; because Ireena has led a sheltered life in only one town, she doesn’t need to have much pre-knowledge of the world.

      If you would like to flesh out Ireena’s backstory and give your player something to base her performance on, Rachel and I created the Tome of Ireena to describe her childhood and pre-story interactions with Strahd.
    • The Three Fanes. Using Mandy Mod’s bonus content (related below), I added the Three Fanes into Barovian mythology. This gave the history of the world more weight, further vilified Strahd, and gave the players a concrete way to start changing the world by reconsecrating their shrines.
    • Making the Vistani less problematic. Curse of Strahd is famous for its thoughtless portrayal of the Vistani as thinly veiled Romani, and they’re coded as fairly evil, no less! There are a lot of resources online to guide you in changing this dynamic. I kept the group as ostracized for their historical support of Strahd, but took out the cursing and Gypsy descriptions. I also made their support of Strahd much more understandable and sympathetic, to the point that the group made it their mission to reconcile the Vistani with the other Barovians.
    • Szoldar became a main character. Szoldar is a wolf hunter in Vallaki with a throwaway description in the original adventure. There is always one NPC in caampaigns like these that capture the players’ attention, and Szoldar was that NPC! Rachel’s Ireena fell in love with him, and they even got engaged in an epic one-shot that Rachel DMed to elaborately propose.
    • No Argynvostholt or Dinner at Ravenloft. My players were suspicious of Strahd from the beginning, so they never accepted his multiple invitations to dinner (this may be a consequence of having Ireena as a PC). This meant that when they stormed Ravenloft in the finale, they had never been there before; luckily, they found the castle blueprints in the Amber Temple and could therefore make a plan of attack.

      They also never got around to visiting Argynvostholt, which is too bad! I kept reminding them of its existence, but they chose other adventures that wound up leading to Strahd’s increasing wrath, and eventually it became clear that they needed to kill him or risk all of Barovia being wiped out. I think the Argynvostholt dungeon could still work as a post-finale mini adventure if the group wants to get back together to finish clearing out the valley’s last dark spots.

    Additional Resources

    • Mandy Mod’s Fleshing Out Curse of Strahd (free). This is the material I used as religiously as the actual adventure book. Mandy Mod has created an immense “Fleshing Out Curse of Strand” chapters on Reddit that adds NPC personalities and motivations as well as large scale changes such as the addition of the Fanes into the world of Barovia. 100% recommend this should be treated as essential.
    • The Interactive Tome of Strand ($14.99). The Tome of Strand is an item in the original book that offers one page of information; this bonus content revolutionizes the item into a book that PCs can enter and live through 14 of Strahd’s memories that really opens up his character and the world.
    • Countess von Zarovich ($9.99). This 62-page PDF reimagines Strahd as a woman. This isn’t a surface gender swap; the creators explain in depth how Strahd’s female gender would have shaped her upbringing and motivations. I found this too late for my campaign but will definitely use it if I run it again!
    • Landmarks on the Svalich Road (free). DragnaCarta’s CoS expansions on Reddit are often used in place of, or alongside, Mandy Mod’s content. I didn’t find his style as much to my taste, but I did love this Google Doc that adds a lot more flavor to traveling the main road throughout Barovia.
    • Visions of the Vestiges ($8.95). One of my favorite parts of CoS is tempting my PCs with Dark Power deals so that they will hopefully unleash one at the Amber Temple and set themselves up as the next Dark Lord of Barovia. This PDF expands on this idea by fleshing out the Vestiges and including artifacts throughout Barovia to bind PCs to their will.

    Have you played Curse of Strahd? Leave a comment and tell me about your character and favorite memory!

  • All the (Silmarillion) Feels | Chapter 8: Of the Darkening of Valinor

    All the (Silmarillion) Feels | Chapter 8: Of the Darkening of Valinor

    All the (Silmarillion) Feels is an emotion- and story-focused summary of The Silmarillion. You’ll get facts, but that’s not the point here. Let’s talk themes, meaningful quotes, and moments that made us go “WHOA.” I started this project after falling in love with The Rings of Power television show, so expect me to focus on things to do with Galadriel and Sauron.


    Chapter 8: Of the Darkening of Valinor

    Have you been thinking that what The Silmarillion needs is a little dose of horror? Then this is the chapter for you!

    Introducing Ungoliant, Shelob’s Spider Mommy!

    Melkor/Morgoth fled Valinor after his manipulations were made known, but he evaded pursuit and made his way south to find an ally in Ungoliant, an evil spirit who seems to have chosen to exist in monstrous spider form. Intriguingly, no one knows where she came from or how she was created, which gives me some really great Eldritch horror, from-beyond-the-stars vibes. Her evil is presented in classic Tolkien language, as she is “taking all things to herself to feed her emptiness” for she “hungered for light and hated it.” Like calls to like, and Melkor sees someone who can do him a solid.

    There is a lot of foreshadowing in this chapter, and it’s pretty much all negative, so let’s track it this way:

    DOOM #1:

    In exchange for her help, Melkor promises Ungoliant: “Do as I bid; and if thou hunger still when all is done, then I will give thee whatsoever thy lust may demand. Yea, with both hands.”

    Not a great vow to make with an eternally hungry creature, I’d say.

    Parties, Reconciliation, and More Promises

    Meanwhile, the Valar and Elves are partying. There are no natural seasons in Valinor, but Yavanna creates blooming and harvesting experiences because why not? Everyone likes a festival.

    The Valar invite everyone to join the party, but Fëanor is exiled. They command him to come anyway, hoping to create some good feelings between the estranged half-brothers, but their father King Finwë declines to attend the party to show where his loyalties lie (with Fëanor).

    Fëanor is a drama queen about it all, refusing to wear fancy clothes to the fancy festival, and remaining silent when he meets with Fingolfin. But the younger Elf tries to restore their family bond with a promise that is, you guessed, it:

    Doom #2

    Before the Valar, the two Elves clasp hands, and Fingolfin says, “Half-brother in blood, full brother in heart will I be. Thou shalt lead and I will follow. May no new grief divide us.”

    Sounds really nice! I sure hope Fëanor isn’t the sort of Elf who will take advantage of such a vow.

    The Great Unlight

    While everyone is distracted by family drama, Morgoth and Ungoliant are booking it to the Two Trees which light all of Valinor. Morgoth stabs the trees, and Ungoliant slurps up their light. In a very nice touch, not only does this plunge the land into darkness, it creates an Unlight.

    The Light failed; but the Darkness that followed was more than loss of light. In that hour was made a Darkness what seemed not lack but a thing with being of its own; for it was indeed made by malice out of Light, and it had power to pierce the eye, and to enter heart and mind, and strangle the very will.”

    The Silmarillion, page 81

    Sounds like a Doctor Who monster!

    With the death of the Trees, the festival and Valinor itself falls into chaos so great that Morgoth and Ungoliant easily escape.


    Tune in next time to see if Ungoliant is still hungry…

  • My Wandering Warrior Existence by Nagata Kabi

    My Wandering Warrior Existence by Nagata Kabi

    Genre | Graphic Novel Memoir
    Page #s | 128
    Publishing Date | February 2021

    Nagata Kabi, the award-winning creator of My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, embarks on a search for romance in this brand-new diary comic! 

    Nagata Kabi’s groundbreaking autobiographical work has captivated audiences around the globe, starting with the viral online comic about identity that would become the graphic novel My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness. Readers from all backgrounds have been moved by the author’s ability to capture complex emotions through her art and text, giving insight into feelings they may have struggled to articulate themselves. Nagata Kabi’s memoirs, including the Eisner-nominated My Solo Exchange Diary and new release My Alcoholic Escape From Reality, have explored themes of physical and mental illness, sex and sexuality, family, and independence. Follow the newest installment of this trailblazing series with My Wandering Warrior Existence, Nagata Kabi’s exploration of longing for love and marriage.

    Goodreads

    My Wandering Warrior Existence is an uncomfortably relatable book for anyone who struggles with identity and intimacy while watching the majority of other people happily and easily love each other. Kabi’s self-reflections are honest, poignant, and in medias res – i.e., there are no real answers here.

    Although Kabi’s story begins in her earlier manga memoirs, this particular story begins when a friend’s wedding inspires her to book a wedding dress photo shoot, believing this will fulfill some nebulous core need. Instead, it leaves her feeling worse than ever before and opens up a whole new series of doubts and questions. It isn’t the trappings of a wedding that she craves, but the intimacy and relationship that it represents.

    Unfortunately, like many of us, knowing what she wants doesn’t make it any easier for Kabi to obtain it. As a perpetually single person until I was 30, I related SO HARD to her general bafflement about how people coupled up and why she couldn’t seem to get on the same level. Although there is a general vibe of self-hatred (or more generously, self-discomfort) that sometimes felt uncomfortable to me, I really appreciated the way Kabi is able to dissect her experiences in pictorial form, especially her realization about all of the hurdles that stand between her and a romantic relationship.

    Queerness positively drips from the pages, as Kabi questions her sexual identity, gender identity, and experience of the world in general. This is not a book about labels so much as an embracing of the questions of queerness, and I think that’s a very valuable offering of the queer experience.

    Who Do I Recommend This Book To?

    If you are, or have been, a person who felt outside of traditional relationship structures, you’re likely to find something to relate to in My Wandering Warrior Existence.

    Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!

  • Roar Cat Reads Turns 2!

    Roar Cat Reads Turns 2!

    Today marks the two year anniversary of Roar Cat Reads!

    So much has happened since I launched this site on March 4, 2021. What started as a creative outlet during Covid has turned into a vibrant community of queer nerds that plays games together, recommends books, and hosts charity events together. I am so grateful for everything that came from Roar Cat Reads, and I’m really proud of what has been done in just a two year time period.

    Charity Events

    Today is our 4th charity event raising money for Rainbow Refugee (seriously, if you’re reading this on March 4th, hop over to Twitch to watch us hosting live!). In previous events, you’ve helped us raise $9,826, and today we hope to raise another $2,000.

    After our first charity events, Rachel and I wanted to get more involved with Rainbow Refugee. We joined Prism Collective, a group of six people who have been matched with an LGBTQ+ refugee. We’re working to raise $25,000 to fund this refugee’s first year in Vancouver. When that is done and they move here, we’re also committed to helping them for their first year with housing, jobs, and finding community.

    This has been such a cool thing to become a part of, and it wouldn’t have happened without Roar Cat Reads.

    Book Reviews

    I’ve run many book review blogs, but this is the first that is specifically dedicated to queer books. As of this date, I’ve reviewed 115 books, all of which you can find here.

    Streaming and Podcasts

    Over the past two years, Rachel and I have found our creative interests meandering across various platforms. In addition to blogging, we’ve shared our queer nerdy thoughts in the following places:

    • DM’s Pocket Guide Podcast, where we take one rule, spell, or monster from D&D 53 and discuss it in nine minutes or less.
    • Twitch Affiliate, where Rachel streams simulator video games regularly and occasionally we stream TTRPGs
    • YouTube Playlists, where we’ve archived previous charity events, Tricia’s play through of Final Fantasy 7: Crisis Core, and queer book panels.

    Blog Series

    Ko-Fi TTRPG Products

    When we finish a significant creative project, we share it on Ko-Fi for free! While donations are always hugely appreciated, we love sharing the stories and projects that we dream up.

    Owlbears: Fearsome Foe or Fierce Friend? D&D Adventure

    9 downloads

    Common Sense & Sensibility, a Regency Lady TTRPG

    29 downloads

    School Sucks: a Supernatural High School Halloween D&D Adventure

    62 downloads

    Walking Across Middle-earth

    54 downloads

    The Tome of Ireena Kolyana

    45 downloads

    Beyond Roar Cat Reads

    We’ve had the honour of sharing our queer nerdy thoughts on other people’s platforms, including:

    Roar Cat Reads Discord

    By far my favorite thing that has come of this site is our Discord community. Rachel and I started Roar Cat Reads to connect with queer nerds in Vancouver and beyond, and this is the heart of that community. If you like any of the things that I’ve posted above, there’s a good chance you’ll enjoy the people and conversations happening in our Discord. Stop by and say hello!


    Thank you for making these two years so much fun!
    I can’t wait to see what is in our future!

  • Queerly Beloved: Wedding Party

    Queerly Beloved: Wedding Party

    Welcome to Queerly Beloved, a series of personal essays about my journey as an LGBTQ+ person planning for my wedding in June 2023. Through this series, I’ll be sharing my thoughts, experiences, and advice as I navigate the joys and challenges of planning a wedding. I hope that by sharing my story, I can help make weddings for queer couples a little bit easier and a lot more fun. So whether you’re getting ready to tie the knot, have already taken the plunge, or just want to join me on my journey for a bit, I invite you to come along for the ride!


    Rachel and I knew from the beginning that we were going to have a small wedding, and for us, that also meant having a small wedding party. When it came to choosing the people who I wanted to stand beside me as I marry Rachel, I took the following questions into consideration:

    • Have I known them for a decently long time?
    • Did I know them before I met Rachel?
    • Were they supportive when I first came out and started dating Rachel?
    • Are they “good vibes” people who I know will make me feel better when stressed?
    • Are they planners who I know I can count on take care of themselves as well as projects along the way?

    Please notice that one (often implied) qualification that was not on my list: they do not have to be a woman! One of the best things about being in a queer relationship is that the norm is already disrupted. There’s a lot more mental freedom to shake things up, and I didn’t want to limit my wedding party by gender any more than I’m limiting my dating options.

    Roy, the Best Maid

    I’ve known Roy for nearly 35 years…because he’s my older brother! In addition to being siblings, I’m grateful that we’ve become friends. We share a lot in common, from nerdy interests to a love of travel. After years of living all over the world, we’ve both wound up in the Pacific Northwest, and it is such a joy to get to hang out on a regular basis.

    When I came out, Roy was the first person I told. Actually, he was asking whether I was into girls before I even knew that I was!

    Michal Ann, the Bridesmaid

    Michal Ann and I have been friends since we first sat beside each other at seminary ten years ago. We immediately bonded over feeling too progressive for the space, and she has been a confidant, friend, and inspiration ever since.

    Although we were far from our seminary-selves when I came out to her, I was still anxious about telling people from the more conservative spaces of my life. She reacted with complete joy, sent me encouraging memes, and never lets a moment pass to tell me how happy she is that I’ve found Rachel.

    Giving Gifts

    Both people in my wedding party live outside of Vancouver and will have to travel to my wedding. That’s already a big ask, so I have tried to be generous in other ways to acknowledge their generosity. I also love gifts and taking opportunities to elevate something into a celebration. For me, that has meant:

    • Inviting them into my wedding party by ordering gift baskets delivered to their house asking them to be my bridesmaid. Fun!
    • Buying cheesy t-shirts with “I Do Crew” on them for our bachelorette weekend.
    • Not mandating a certain outfit to be worn. I truly don’t care about decorations or The Look, and I do care about my favorite people being comfortable and feeling good.

    Setting Expectations

    If you clocked the last item on my “how to choose a wedding party member” list at the top of the page, I am a checklist person, and I value other checklist people! I knew I had chosen the right people for me when both of them, during our first “You’re in my wedding party!” conversations, asked, “What do you need me to do?”

    I was clear from the beginning that I mostly want them to be hype people. I want them to take it on as a job that when I post pictures in our group chat, that they will respond with exclamation points and heart emojis. They have done that amazingly well.

    Equally important, I want them to help me when I’m stuck or when something goes wrong. Our first venue bailed on us under very shady circumstances ten months after we had booked it, and my wedding party were the first people I went to (other than Rachel, obviously). They did everything I needed, from empathizing and raging to giving me concrete and practical advice about how to handle the situation.

    As we near the wedding date, I may need them for more specific projects, but time will tell and I know they’ll be fully capable of anything I ask of them.

    How would you choose who to include in your wedding party? I’m so curious what people prioritize and value! Leave a comment and let me know.

  • Cosmoknights #1 by Hannah Templer

    Cosmoknights #1 by Hannah Templer

    Genre | Science Fiction Graphic Novel
    Page #s | 216
    Publishing Date | September 2019

    For this ragtag band of space gays, liberation means beating the patriarchy at its own game.

    Pan’s life used to be very small. Work in her dad’s body shop, sneak out with her friend Tara to go dancing, and watch the skies for freighter ships. It didn’t even matter that Tara was a princess… until one day it very much did matter, and Pan had to say goodbye forever. Years later, when a charismatic pair of off-world gladiators show up on her doorstep, she finds that life may not be as small as she thought. On the run and off the galactic grid, Pan discovers the astonishing secrets of her neo-medieval world… and the intoxicating possibility of burning it all down.

    Goodreads

    Be gay, do crime…by fighting the patriarchy in space! Cosmoknights is a webcomic turned printed comic that is a bright, beautiful, and fun story that takes old stories of knights jousting for the hand of a princess and turns it into a capitalistic, patriarchic practice that can only be taken down by a band of lesbian athletes, mechanics, and hackers.

    I’ve only read the first book, though there are two printed as of right now, and we primarily get the set up and team unification in this section of the comic. There’s some nice backstory for two of the characters, and I hope we get more information about the rest of the group as we move forward. It’s a familiar enough setting while also being charmingly set amongst varying planets with high-tech Blitzball-esque tournaments.

    The coloring on the pages is bright and alluring, the story is fun with a side of societal critique, and the characters are diverse and interesting. Definitely a go-to for anyone looking for a quick, gay read!

    Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!

  • All the (Silmarillion) Feels | Chapter 7: Of the Silmarils and the Unrest of the Noldor

    All the (Silmarillion) Feels | Chapter 7: Of the Silmarils and the Unrest of the Noldor

    All the (Silmarillion) Feels is an emotion- and story-focused summary of The Silmarillion. You’ll get facts, but that’s not the point here. Let’s talk themes, meaningful quotes, and moments that made us go “WHOA.” I started this project after falling in love with The Rings of Power television show, so expect me to focus on things to do with Galadriel and Sauron.


    Chapter 7: Of the Silmarils and the Unrest of the Noldor

    It is time! The thing this whole dang book is named after has finally arrived. Fëanor and Melkor continue with their will they/won’t they tension (whoops, sorry, I mean mortal enmity), and the peaceful utopia on Valinor begins to crumble.

    Fighting Over Jewelry

    In the last chapter, we learned that the Nolder Elf Fëanor is the best of the best, and he knows it. This chapter begins by describing his greatest accomplishment: the creation of three jewels called the Silmarils. They capture the light of trees of Valinor, and nothing else like them exists in all the world. The Elves and the Valar both are “filled with wonder and delight;” but Melkor is filled with envy.

    Real talk, I love that the central conflict of The Silmarillion is about artistic accomplishment. Where other fantasy novels focus on sex and bloodshed, everything here hinges on the creation of something beautiful, and the ways in which envy and possessiveness can destroy the most fantastic of creations.

    Melkor is Jealous

    You’ll remember that Melkor is a Valar who tried to wrestle the song of creation away from Ilúvatar. He has always been enamored with the art of creating something, but without the flair to make something truly original. As someone with similar skills and limitations, I can confirm that this often leads to jealousy when others seem to effortlessly create things far beyond your ability.

    What Melkor excels at, however, is talking (oh no, are we the same?). He represses his jealousy and instead foments distrust amongst the Noldor. He subtly insinuates that the Valar brought the Elves to Valinor because they feared the Elves would surpass them if left to their own rule. The book notes that “many who heard [his words] believed in recollection that they arose from their own thought.” He’s sneaky!

    He also gets personal by exploiting the familial distance between King Finwë’s sons by other mothers. Fëanor hears that his half brother plans to usurp his line as eldest, and Fingolfin hears that Fëanor plans to drive them out of the city. Drama!

    It is at this point that weapons are created, as Melkor helpfully suggests that they all arm themselves to prevent something terrible from happening. Spoilers, something terrible happens because they arm themselves! Funny how that happens.

    Brother Against Brother

    The whispers and rumors reach a fever pitch when Fingolfin seeks a private audience with his father, King Finwë, and Fëanor breaks in, accusing him of being a sneaky snake who would “be before me with my father, in this as in all other matters.” He draws a sword against his half brother twice, and this is the first time threatened violence against kin has ever happened! It is a big deal! The Valar punish Fëanor with twelve years of exile to the north, where his bad mood only grows worse.

    Everyone does figure out that Melkor’s whispers and insinuations caused all this chaos, but he disappears as a thundercloud, and no one can catch him. He tries to befriend Fëanor, since let’s be real, they have a lot in common. But he slips by mentioning the Silmarils, and the Elf realizes Melkor’s real intentions. Without any allies and his cover blown, Melkor leaves, and we get this amazing final sentence of the chapter:

    “The Valar sought in vain for tidings of their enemy; and as a cloud far off that looms ever higher, borne upon a slow cold wind, a doubt now marred the joy of the dwellers in Aman, dreading they knew not what evil that yet might come.”

    The Silmarillion, page 76.

    Bonus Foreshadowing

    At the beginning of this chapter, we get a very interesting tidbit that hints of the final days of Middle-earth in some unwritten future: “But not until the End, when Fëanor shall return who perished ere the Sun was made, and sits now in the Halls of Awaiting…”

    This is some Norse Ragnorak mythology! I love it! Spoilers I guess that Fëanor won’t survive, but like I said, this is written on page 69.


    Tensions are at a boiling point, and they’re going to spill over in the next chapter: Of the Darkening of Valinor.

  • Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean

    Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean

    Genre | Fantasy Horror
    Page #s | 298
    Publishing Date | August 2022

    Out on the Yorkshire Moors lives a secret line of people for whom books are food, and who retain all of a book’s content after eating it. To them, spy novels are a peppery snack; romance novels are sweet and delicious. Eating a map can help them remember destinations, and children, when they misbehave, are forced to eat dry, musty pages from dictionaries.

    Devon is part of The Family, an old and reclusive clan of book eaters. Her brothers grow up feasting on stories of valor and adventure, and Devon—like all other book eater women—is raised on a carefully curated diet of fairytales and cautionary stories.

    But real life doesn’t always come with happy endings, as Devon learns when her son is born with a rare and darker kind of hunger—not for books, but for human minds.

    Goodreads

    I had a hard time getting into Book Eaters for the first hundred pages until the alternating time lines began to dramatically affect each other; then I couldn’t put it down! Set in a world where otherworldly Families made of book eaters (yup, literally creatures who eat books to survive) maintain their bloodlines through patriarchal bullshit, this book follows Devon, a book eater who will do anything, and double cross anyone, to protect her son, who is a rare and dangerous mind eater.

    The plot itself is propulsive, but the themes are where this book really shone for me. Let’s start with that patriarchal bullshit I mentioned. Book eaters are rare creatures, and female book eaters are the rarest of all. They are therefore treated with extreme care and fed only fairy tales until they are old enough to “marry” into another Family, birth a child, and leave for another “marriage.” It’s horrifying! But I’ve never seen a work of fiction handle that particular patriarchal message of “we control you because you’re special” so well.

    Most importantly, this is a book about monstrous love. Devon commits actual atrocities to protect her son, and the book never lets her wave away the moral or emotional consequences. Instead, she acknowledges that she is in impossible situations, and that she willingly chooses to prioritize the wellbeing of her son over everyone else, including innocent bystanders. I loved that her motherly love was not allowed to be above reproach, which actually led it a weird beauty all its own.

    “Everyone is scared of me, even the other mind eaters here. You’re not scared of me because you’re an even bigger, meaner monster than me… You’d eat the whole world to help me out and I think I’d do that for you, too. You’re my monster and I’m yours.”

    Book Eaters

    What Makes This Book Queer?

    Devon is a queer woman; her role within the Family essentially being a breeder, she doesn’t realize her own preferences matter until she breaks free of the system. It’s an interesting take, since homophobia doesn’t seem to exist amongst the book eaters, but repressing your desires for the sake of duty definitely does.

    Additionally, one of the few people Devon befriends identifies as asexual, and there’s a lovely conversation between the two where she asks what that means. It’s probably a great introduction to readers who aren’t too familiar with the term.

    Who Do I Recommend This Book To?

    If you love moral complexity and a new take on magical realism, Book Eaters is for you!

    Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!

  • Diversity Book Club List

    Diversity Book Club List

    When I moved to Vancouver in 2018, one of my ploys to make friends was to start a book club. Of the original group that got together, three of us have continued to meet for the last four years, every month without fail. Sometimes means meeting in a café for hot chocolate, and for a long time, that meant meeting on Zoom. Every time, it meant reading books that prioritized diversity in some way. Our goal has been to read books that are NOT by a cis, straight, white guy – the further we can get from this, the better! We also prioritized books written with a link to Vancouver or Canada.

    I love this list of books that we’ve read so far – we’ve covered fun reads that were already in my queue as well as heavy books I never would have picked up on my own (but which I’m grateful to have read). If you’re looking for some interesting books to read in 2023, I highly recommend finding something from these lists!

    Books Read from October 2018 – Present

    Non-Fiction

    The Ungrateful Refugee by Dina Nayeri (memoir, Iran)

    Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir by Akwaeke Emezi (memoir, Nigeria, trans, RCR review)

    They Called Me Number One: Secrets and Survival at an Indian Residential School by Bev Sellars (memoir, Indigenous, Canada)

    The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. Du Bois (essays, Black, United States)

    The Right to be Cold: One Woman’s Story of Protecting Her Culture, the Arctic and the Whole Planet by Sheila Watt-Cloutier (memoir, Indigenous, Canada)

    Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Pérez (sociology, Brazil)

    The Witches are Coming by Lindy West (essays, United States)

    Red Lip Theology by Candice Marie Benbow (memoir, Black, United States)

    They Called Us Enemy by George Takei (graphic novel memoir, Japanese American, gay)

    Buffy Sainte-Marie: The Authorized Biography by Andrea Warner (biography, Indigenous, Canada)

    Sci-Fi and Fantasy

    Son of a Trickster by Eden Robinson (magical realism, Canada)

    A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking by T. Kingfisher (YA fantasy)

    A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers (sci-fi, non-binary, RCR review)

    A Prayer for the Crown-Shy by Becky Chambers (sci-fi, non-binary, RCR review)

    Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey (Western, sapphic)

    General Fiction (Serious)

    A Map for the Missing by Belinda Huijuan Tang (historical fiction, China)

    Les Belles-Soeurs by Michel Tremblay (play, gay author)

    The Clothesline Swing by Danny Ramadan (contemporary fiction, Syria, Canada, gay, RCR review)

    The Prophets by Robert Jones Jr. (historical fiction, United States, gay, RCR review)

    Women Talking by Miriam Toews (contemporary fiction)

    The Jade Peony by Wayson Choy (historical fiction, Canada, gay)

    Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata (contemporary fiction, Japan)

    The Boat People by Sharon Bala (historical fiction, Sri Lanka, Canada)

    The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead (historical fiction, United States)

    One Half from the East by Nadia Hashimi (contemporary fiction, Afghanistan)

    General Fiction (Fun)

    Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert (romance, bisexual, RCR review)

    The Field Guide to the North American Teenager by Ben Philippe (YA)

    Dial A for Aunties by Jesse Q. Sutanto (humorous mystery)

    Anna K: A Love Story by Jenny Lee (YA retelling)

    Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (romance)

    The Subtweet by Vivek Shraya (contemporary fiction, trans, RCR review)

    Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams (contemporary fiction)

    I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver (YA, trans, RCR review)

    Ayesha at Last by Uzma Jalaluddin (contemporary fiction, retelling)

    My Sister, the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite (thriller)


    Have you read any of these books? What did you think?

  • Queerly Beloved: Engagement Photos

    Queerly Beloved: Engagement Photos

    Welcome to Queerly Beloved, a series of personal essays about my journey as an LGBTQ+ person planning for my wedding in June 2023. Through this series, I’ll be sharing my thoughts, experiences, and advice as I navigate the joys and challenges of planning a wedding. I hope that by sharing my story, I can help make weddings for queer couples a little bit easier and a lot more fun. So whether you’re getting ready to tie the knot, have already taken the plunge, or just want to join me on my journey for a bit, I invite you to come along for the ride!


    Early in the wedding planning process, I was super excited to get engagement photos taken; I think the idea of having a concrete representation of our decision really appealed to me. After some stressful online searching, I found Tristan of Wander West Photography. I loved her bright, clean photos (I’m not a fan of artsy wedding photographers – I want to see people’s happy faces!) and the fact that she had photos of same-sex couples in her portfolio.

    I am so grateful to have chosen Tristan, because she has made the whole experience comfortable and fun. Some of the things I most appreciated about her are:

    • She is part of the rainbow mafia, and she expressed excitement about having the opportunity to shoot a queer couple.
    • She asked how comfortable we were with PDA, especially in the context of being queer women showing affection in public spaces. She made it clear that we could nix any photo ideas that made us feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
    • We made it clear from the beginning that neither of us are naturally good at modeling or posing, and she offered simple instructions throughout the shoot on where to stand, how to hold each other, and where to put our hands or faces.
    • She took a broad range of shots and tried different things, but she moved quickly so that I never felt stuck in one position or like I wasn’t get a particular idea correct.

    I cannot stress how much I went into the engagement photo shoot feeling overwhelmed and unsure, but she turned the experience into something really fun and comfortable.

    Consider These Practicalities

    • As with all things wedding related, do not Google “wedding photographer” or “engagement photographer.” Instead, search for photographers and check their website to see if they shoot weddings. This will open up your search to cheaper options!
    • Use your wedding photographer to take your engagement photos. This gives you a chance to see their work (and choose someone else for the wedding, in a worst case scenario) and to see what it’s like to work with them.
    • Look for evidence that they work with same-sex and/or gender diverse clients. Additionally, ask them how their experience working with queer clients; their answer will be illuminating!
    • Choose a photographer that you will feel comfortable around. Are you able to state your opinions, desires, and wishes? Do you feel listened to? Do they make you feel comfortable?
    • Choose outfits that complement each other, either in style, colour, or both.
    • This is definitely just my opinion, but we wore outfits that are pretty much just us on a regular (though slightly elevated) day. I wanted to be able to look at these pictures and see the everyday aspects of our relationships, as the fancy versions of ourselves would be documented at the wedding.
    • Use your engagement photos in Save the Dates, invitations, your wedding website, and Christmas cards.

    Taking Photos in Stanley Park

    Our engagement photo session lasted just one hour, and because we chose a location in Stanley Park with diverse backdrops, we came away with a lot of really cool photos in a short amount of time!

    The Bridge

    The Foliage

    The Beach

    The Outtakes

    No photoshoot is complete without the pictures that didn’t QUITE achieve the desired outcome. I loved that Tristan included these in the finished photos she sent us; they make me crack up every time I see them!

  • All the (Silmarillion) Feels | Chapter 6: Of Fëanor and the Unchaining of Melkor

    All the (Silmarillion) Feels | Chapter 6: Of Fëanor and the Unchaining of Melkor

    All the (Silmarillion) Feels is an emotion- and story-focused summary of The Silmarillion. You’ll get facts, but that’s not the point here. Let’s talk themes, meaningful quotes, and moments that made us go “WHOA.” I started this project after falling in love with The Rings of Power television show, so expect me to focus on things to do with Galadriel and Sauron.


    Chapter 6: Of Fëanor and the Unchaining of Melkor

    We started with the cosmic, zoomed in to the Elves, and now we’re narrowing our focus even further into a family drama and the introduction of one of the most important characters in The Silmarillion, Fëanor. At the same time, the big bad is back, and their showdown begins.

    Introducing….Fëanor!

    It was the best of times for the Elves in Valinor; they were mastering crafts, creating writing, and starting families. Finwë, King of the Noldor (crafty Elves), marries Míriel, and together they have a son. But even in the heavenly realms, there is apparently postpartum depression, because Míriel languishes after giving birth, to the point that her soul leaves her body and she effectively dies. There’s a weirdly magical aspect to this, as it’s hinted that she passed on too much of her life force to her son; “Strength that would have nourished the life of many has gone forth into Fëanor.”

    It’s fitting, then, that his nickname is Spirit of Fire, which hints at his ability to consume as well as create and refine. He is the golden child of the Noldor, described rapturously as, “tall, and fair of face, and masterful, his eyes piercingly bright and his hair raven-dark; in the pursuit of all his purposes eager and steadfast. Few ever changed his courses by counsel, none by force.”

    I’ll show my hand; I really like Fëanor! He is one of the few Elves who is allowed to be morally complicated. He’s ambitious and stubborn as well as creative and high-minded, and I love this about him.

    Fëanor marries Nerdanel, one of the only people he listens to (at least at first). We get this amazing description of her, which underscores my never-ending complaint about Tolkien: he knows how to describe an amazing woman, he just doesn’t give them any page-time to do anything! Anyway, here’s Nerdanel: “[She] also was firm of will, but more patient than Fëanor, desiring to understand minds rather than to master them.”

    Fëanor’s father is also getting married, this time to Indis, with whom he has two more sons, Fingolfin and Finarfin. I have never, and likely will never, be able to keep these two straight. Fëanor has Complex Feelings about his dad’s new family, and he mostly stays away from them, preferring to pour himself into creating Elvish scripts and mastering gem-making.

    And in the Other Corner…Melkor is Back!

    From the time the Elves first awoke in Middle-earth to now, three whole ages have passed! I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I think it’s thousands of years. And that means Melkor’s prison sentence is up! He makes the most of the opportunity, playing nice and seeming repentant. A couple of the Valar suspect him, but most believe he is a good guy now, and he is slowly given more and more freedom.

    He’s not a good guy, though. When he gets out of prison and sees this new world with thriving Elves, “envy was in heart,” “hatred filled him,” and “he lusted for [the wealth of bright gems].” He ingratiates himself so well that he’s giving advice and sharing skills with the Elves and Valar alike, and it gives me a lot of Sauron-helping-the-Elves-forge-Rings-of-Power vibes.

    In all this time, very few suspect a thing…except for Fëanor.

    There’s this great line where, foreshadowing future events, Melkor says he was instrumental in teaching Fëanor, but Fëanor is all like, “I never trusted you!” I think this is likely true, as he’s the one to give Melkor the name Morgoth, which I think we can all agree is a much more evil-sounding name. We’re also reminded that “Fëanor was driven by the fire of his own heart only,” so he doesn’t seem likely to accept much input; and if he does, he’s unlikely to credit them.

    I cannot help but picture this as a scene from The Office where Melkor tells the camera how important he was to Fëanor’s future, at which point the Elf gives a Jim-like expression to the audience to let us know how he feels about that.

    The drama! It is beginning!


    Chapter 6 introduces us to our two antagonists, and in the next chapter we learn about the thing they will fight over. That’s right, we’re finally going to learn what the titular silmarils are!