Genre | Nonfiction Memoir Novella Page #s | 96 Publishing Date | August 2018
A trans artist explores how masculinity was imposed on her as a boy and continues to haunt her as a girl–and how we might re-imagine gender for the twenty-first century.
Vivek Shraya has reason to be afraid. Throughout her life she’s endured acts of cruelty and aggression for being too feminine as a boy and not feminine enough as a girl. In order to survive childhood, she had to learn to convincingly perform masculinity. As an adult, she makes daily compromises to steel herself against everything from verbal attacks to heartbreak.
With raw honesty, Shraya delivers an important record of the cumulative damage caused by misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia, releasing trauma from a body that has always refused to assimilate. I’m Afraid of Men is a journey from camouflage to a riot of color and a blueprint for how we might cherish all that makes us different and conquer all that makes us afraid.
Goodreads
I loved Shraya’s The Subtweet and decided to check out everything she’s ever done! I’m so glad I did, because it led me to this tiny but mighty memoir dissecting toxic masculinity in simple but powerful anecdotes.
The book is divided into “you” and “me” sections. The “you” second person point of view section forces the reader to take on the abusive, careless roles of men who have bullied, harrassed, and failed Shraya. It is such a smart move on her part to place readers outside of the victim’s perspective, since the ultimate point of the book is that we all exhibit toxic traits, whether male, female, cis or trans.
Shraya’s perspective as a trans woman is especially meaningful, since she describes how toxic masculinity affected her differently when she presented as a man vs. as a woman. Spoilers! It was bad in either case! It is truly impressive how she manages to show the universally terrible impacts of toxic masculinity in under 100 pages.
Although this isn’t necessarily the point of the book, I was really drawn to small hopes for gender expansion toward the end of the book. After transitioning, Shraya finds herself enjoying the freedom to indulge in femininity, but also mentions missing the ability to rock a beard or work toward bulging biceps. I share her hope that someday people will be able to present themselves to the world with any combination of masculine, feminine, or androgynous qualities, for as long as they want.
Who Do I Recommend This Book To?
This is the book to give to your friend who just learned the term “toxic masculinity” if you really want to help them achieve Galaxy Brain.
Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!
As in, I wrote fanfic of it. I took what I saw on the screen and changed it.
Fan writing (and fan art and creating in general) gives fans of a particular piece of entertainment the space in which to operate outside the canon. Maybe that all sounds like gibberish, but as a fifteen year old blossoming queer girl growing up in a terribly homogenous small town in Ohio, it was an outlet. A way to express the strange, forbidden desires I wanted to see on screen. The things that bound me up inside and made me breathless, imagining those possibilities.
This was 1999, so outside of shows like Will & Grace, anything “gay” on TV was damn limited. The first iteration of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy didn’t come around until 2003, for example.
The first fanfic I ever wrote was Buffy/Faith. It is long lost to the vast graveyard of the internet, where cats with cheezeburgers and terribly creepy dancing babies go to die and make room for new memes and fascinations. I saw these two strong young women standing up to evils and horrors, vampires and scheming plots, and yes, men, and I saw lust and attraction between them. Who else could better understand the particular die with which their fate was cast than the other person in that situation?
Of course, this is not a canon ship, sadly, but I remain, to this day, a fan of it. Because they both deserved better. Because they were perfect for the enemies-to-lovers trope. And they were both hot as fuck.
(We will not be visiting Joss Whedon in this essay cause fuck that dude with a rusty rake.)
After my love of Buffy ran its course, I was still trying to figure out me. My mother had a strange kind of fascination with gay people, seeing them as sideshow attractions while constantly telling me all the time I spent with my female friends was going to turn me into a “lezzy”. Those kinds of extremely mixed signals didn’t help my already confused mind, and combined with growing up in an abusive household, I had to put it all aside lest I get ousted from the only home I had. I was headed to college while living at home (not the best for my individual growth in hindsight), I was meeting new people. Surely the door would open to finding out who I was, right?
One person I met, a gay man only a year or two younger than I, was a doorway into a world I didn’t know of. My internet was dial-up, my phone barely could text, and finding any kind of gay or queer literature or entertainment was seemingly impossible. But this new friend opened a door. Suddenly I was allowed into spaces where gay men and women and anyone else who wanted in could show up and hang out. I discovered Rocky Horror and went to campy costume parties. I had beer and martinis spilled on me on crowded dance floors full of anyone and everyone who wanted to simply exist with like-minded people. I was given a gift. It was like queerdar, and with my eyes open, I could start to find myself again.
But I never left fandom and its queerness.
Class and work during the week was the boring, unsure me. I was too scared to ask the pretty girl in my English class on a date (she later became a good friend and never teased me for thinking she was gorgeous). I was too stuck in my own head about how other people would see me in that little town. I didn’t want to be an outcast or a “lezzy”, sneered at because I was gay. I grew up in a time when sayings like, “That’s so gay,” were hurled around school halls and soccer fields, wielded like a weapon to demean and degrade. To cast the insultee as lesser. So finding a home in fandom made a lot of sense to me, and it let me start to question myself, to figure things out.
I came back to fandom in college, diving into a very tiny group of people who shipped two characters who lived to antagonize each other. Good ol’ enemies-to-lovers trope. I had no idea how gay sex worked and I still cringe-laugh at how I thought the word was prostrate. It’s not like there was a gay Merriam-Webster’s I could use, and I was so goddamn sure of myself. Nothing like a questioning queer cis woman writing gay men incorrectly to make you want to jump out a window.
But I loved the little community around this fandom and the creators I met were all so passionate and vibrant and interesting. There was one person, someone who claimed to be a woman in her fifties, I really connected with. She was alone after years in a relationship with a woman; when the relationship fell apart, she turned to fandom on the internet. She’d been a writer in the Star Trek and Star Wars communities for decades, and was thrilled at how the internet age had brought more people together in fandom. She talked to me about queer love and attraction, we swapped our fanfics and beta read for each other. She was there for me at a time when my head still swirled with words like bisexual.
Real life eventually took over. I finished college, got a job, fell in love, got married. I never doubted who I was, not completely, but I had recognized the layers of my identity through exploring queerness online, in fandoms. I truly don’t know if I would have the understanding I do today without it. And at 36 years old, I still write fanfics. I write stories of love and lust and imbue them with lore and humor. I turn some into fairy tales, others modern AUs (alternative universes) focused on the joy of queer love and attraction. I’m not interested in writing yet another tragedy porn story meant to show how tough our lives are on the outside. Sure, you say, but there’s Pride and all these shows with queer characters and queer romance books and…and…!
Yes, there are. But a lot, if not most, of that didn’t exist even 20 years ago. And if you read stories of those from Stonewall, if you learn about people like Marsha P. Johnson and Harvey Milk, if you read Oscar Wilde and Kit Marlowe and James Baldwin and Audre Lorde, you can see the history, the struggle, the triumph, the secret longing, the intense passion. Fandom started me on a path to figuring out my queerness, a path that led me to those very real people and so many others. The world is a full picture, dark and bright and queer and vibrant and very very real.
I might have started with a Buffy/Faith fanfic so bad I refuse to even try to find it, but those young women taught me an awful lot about myself in the process. Now I just write about mages and vampires and monster hunters and bards and some of it is in fandom, some of it is of my own creation. But I understand myself a lot better now and sure as hell am grateful for a much more open, brighter world. Fascination became acceptance, and then morphed into belonging.
There is nothing quite as brilliant or special as that feeling. Knowing where you fit, if you fit, and how to make your way through a rather unforgiving world. Fandom is a bright spot for me. It taught me how to write, how to compose story and plot. It taught me dialogue and characterization, how to turn a phrase and make a reader fall in love or fall out of their seat. Fandom taught me about myself, but it didn’t stand there with the door wide open. It gave me a key and a series of doors to travel through, and like the gayest closet-cum-magical gateway, I got to waltz through once I understood the dance.
Halli Starling (she/they) writes fantasy worlds, vampires, and romance, focusing on stories with deep emotional investment. And the occasional bloody bit of violence.
Mallory Woodard (she/her) is an ACPE Chaplain Resident in Memphis, TN, USA, where she now lives with her spouse and daughter. In her chaplaincy work she is interested in spirituality and how it can help LGBTQ persons and/or people of no faith create meaning and build resilience. While she has minimal presence on social media, you may catch the occasional like or retweet at @HubyDoobyDoo.
What queer book have you chosen to share with our readers today?
A book that has followed me since I read it this summer is The Thirty Names of Night by Zeyn Joukhadar. This novel follows a closeted Syrian American trans boy as he comes to terms with who he is in his family traditions and customs. The artful expressions of himself have been stifled by the ghost of his mother as he wrestles with what it means for his life. The story of this boy also parallels Laila Z, another Syrian American artist, in interesting ways. As these stories progress, he learns about the ways that Syrian queer communities exist and existed. It is this truth that allows him to find himself and to gain meaning of how he can live his life and use his art.
Why is this book one of your favorites?
Thirty Names of Night hooked me in from the first chapter to the last. Not only is the story worthwhile, but the writing is moving and pulls the reader into transcendent spaces. There are interesting spiritual concepts interwoven throughout the novel, like what it means to be an LGBTQ+ body in a world that works to erase us. This is the story of a trans boy finding and making meaning of his world and his body. There is loss and grief and community and hope and love. I mean I’m a Spiritual Care Provider – this is right up my alley.
“If an object can become sacred by placing it on a table and calling it an altar, then who is to say we cannot sanctify our own bodies? When I touched those eggs in the nest, I understood that to love something, even oneself, is its own terrifying act of faith.”
This book is an exploration of the ways that queer people, especially those whose skin color or ethnicity sets them even further apart from the normative culture, can live and love – themselves and the world – in embodied ways.
How would you describe yourself as a reader?
Because I just completed my Masters degree and am now in a residency program, most of my reading time is dedicated to learning. But when there is an education break, I want a new world and culture to get lost in! A good fantasy book full of magic and mayhem that I can binge read is the absolute best. When an author can build characters and cultures with precision and harmony, there really isn’t anything better. I also adore reading books that others have personally recommended to me. If someone I know loved it, then I already have a trust built with that author and story. When I’m looking for a new book to read, I will first choose anything not written by a white, able-bodied, heterosexual, cis male. Partly because I spent the majority of my life choosing those books and partly because I feel a depth that is lacking. Of course, there’s always the exception (LOTR?).
As a queer person, have books helped you explore or express your queer identity?
I grew up in a religious culture that attempted to deny me my existence. When I met my now spouse and began the larger coming out process, there were very few spaces where I could move in ways that felt safe. As a child and youth, books were also not valued in my communities. It wasn’t until I became an adult that my spouse gave me the freedom to enjoy the life that I wanted for myself. Books, specifically novels with stories that I can get lost in, have been a large part of this enjoyment. The first book that helped me explore who I am was The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. I remember sitting in the backyard on a swing on a Memphis Autumn day. As the sun dappled my skin, I sat there and wept as I turned the last pages of the book. I was moved in immeasurable ways by this story of queer love that existed in the world! It was just there for anyone to read! Unbelievable! Since then, I have been able to see the ways that queerness exists in the world through so many storytelling avenues. I am still deeply moved by the ability to access them, when I was taught growing up to question and devalue their (and my!) existence. Books can be safe in that they give me a place to wrestle and ruminate and explore by myself and in my own spirit. Books are also dangerous because they push the boundaries of my knowledge and experience. What joy and possibility!
Other than reading, are there any queer nerdy recommendations that you would like to leave with our readers?
I do not consider myself a gamer, mostly because I am not good at the gameplay aspect. I set it to easy and explore. And unfortunately, queer representation in gaming is few and far between! But I do love a good story, and open world RPG games can provide beautiful stories. Horizon Zero Dawn has been my absolute favorite. There is a ton of diversity throughout the game, and it’s an enjoyable play. It was my first love on my PS4, and I hope Horizon Forbidden West will be my next love on my PS5.
Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!
Genre | Fantasy Graphic Novel Page #s | 272 Publishing Date | July 2021
Based on the blockbuster podcast where the McElroy brothers and their dad play a tabletop RPG and illustrated by cartooning powerhouse Carey Pietsch, The Adventure Zone: The Crystal Kingdom takes this #1 New York Times bestselling series to haunting new heights.
A desperate call for help interrupts holiday celebrations at the Bureau of Balance, and sends Taako, Magnus and Merle on a high-stakes mission to find and Reclaim a fourth deadly relic: a powerful transmutation stone, hidden somewhere in the depths of a floating arcane laboratory that’s home to the Doctors Maureen and Lucas Miller. An unknown menace has seized control of the stone, and is using it to transform the lab into a virulent pink crystal that spreads to everything it touches.
It’s only a matter of time before this sparkling disaster crash-lands, but in order to find the stone and save the whole planet from being King Midased, our heroes will have to fight their way through a gauntlet of rowdy robots and crystal golems, decide whether they can trust the evasive Lucas Miller, and solve the mystery of what—or who—has put them all in peril, before there’s no world left to save.
Goodreads
Although this is the fourth installment in the graphic novelization of the McElroy’s D&D actual play podcast The Adventure Zone, the story stands on its own as an entertaining romp with the McElroy’s characteristic charm, side jokes, and zany creativity.
This time, Magnus, Merle, and Taako are saving a scientific research station that is slowing turning into pink crystal from crashing in the planet and crystallizing / killing everything. It’s a fun arc with beautiful artwork and a mix of fantasy and sci-fi tropes. This is what The Adventure Zone does best – throwing fun things at you, regardless of whether or not it makes complete sense.
In addition to a great plot and fun worldbuilding, this story has excellent characters. I love an ambiguous villain, and Lucas’s motivations remain clouded for much of the book, which is great! The work that he and his mom did on planar mirrors is super cool, and a focus on familial love rather than romantic love is always welcome in my opinion.
We get a lot of cameos and recurring characters in this section of the overarching Balance arc, which made Merle’s confused, “Who is that?” very rewarding as I was often wondering the same thing. This tongue in cheek acknowledgment of the sprawling story (as well as Clint McElroy’s hilarious inability to remember details) allows this story to stand alone while also moving the larger story forward.
Speaking of Merle! I adored his character growth in this book as his faith in Pan is tested pretty significantly. The pay off was epic, and I loved it.
I can’t wait for the next book to continue enjoying this story and the McElroy’s joyous humor. Until then – Happy Candlenights!
What Makes This Book Queer?
Taako flirts with death…literally. When the Grim Reaper appears and turns out to be a handsome man, Taako and death flirt fairly fantastically. I’m not sure if this is the first acknowledgement that Taako is gay, but it’s definitely the first time he openly has a crush (that is reciprocated). I ship them!
We also get some side queer action in the characters of Killian and Carey, and COME ON. An orc/dragonborn lesbian romance? Yes, please!
Who Do I Recommend This Book To?
If your preferred flavour of D&D is silly with a side of dramatic story beats, you probably already know about The Adventure Zone. Do yourself a favour and read the book in addition to listening to the podcast – it’s a great adapation!
Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!
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On Christmas Eve, Rachel and I were settling in for a long weekend of food and relaxation. We had just finished watching The Happiest Season and were cuddling and reveling in all the feels. As the little spoon, Rachel craned her neck to look over her shoulder at me. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Would you marry me?”
What came next was not glamorous. I burst into tears and said, I kid you not, “For realsies?”
Rachel turned around to face me on the couch. “Yes, for realsies.”
“YES.”
We hugged, we kissed. Rachel said, “Stay there, I’ll be right back.” She hurried into another room and came back with a small box in her pocket. At my confused expression, she assured me, “It’s not a ring.” Instead, when I opened it, I saw a delicate silver necklace with an evergreen branch pendant.
“It symbolizes all the hikes we’ve gone on, and this place where we met,” she said.
“And it symbolizes our love, which will never die,” I said, still crying. Like, really uncomfortably now, because my eye makeup was getting into my eyes and it was starting to sting. I started to move toward the bathroom where I could address the issue, but I couldn’t stand the idea of being even one room away from Rachel, so I grabbed her hand and made her stand at the sink beside me while I wiped at my eyes.
It was all so domestic, so ridiculous, and absolutely perfect to me.
Rachel had arranged with some friends to meet up at a bar afterwards to celebrate, but a recent COVID scare meant several were in isolation. When we had discussed Dream Proposal Scenarios, I thought that was something I would want, but I found it really lovely to just have the evening to the two of us. We put on our winter clothes and took a walk through the falling snow down to English Bay, where we took pictures by the lights, by the rings, and by the barge (“As a time stamp”).
We reminisced about everything that led up to this moment. How we had been friends for a year when we first met. How I asked her out while she was dating someone else because she said she wanted to try polyamory, but she turned me down. How I laid on the floor and sang sad songs to myself, then picked myself up and went back to being friends. How she broke up with the other woman and we spent day after day together before finally cuddling, holding hands, kissing, making it official.
From the beginning of our relationship in June 2019, I was an over-communicator and over-planner. I knew I liked her so much, so after dating for only a couple months, I said, “I’m not saying I’m anywhere near wanting this now, but I do know that marriage is a thing I’ve always wanted. If we stay together, I need to know if that is on the table for you.” She said it was.
During Pride 2020, Rachel and I tried to make it special, which for us meant creating a five-year plan. After discussing driving licenses and country living, I pointed out one glaring omission. We came away from Pride with a monthly budget allotted to a future “Fancy Party.”
By the summer of 2021, I knew I wanted to marry her. But I didn’t know how this worked for queer women, so I asked Rachel in the round about way we talked about these things. “If I, hypothetically, was thinking about how our Fancy Party got kicked off, like you know, someone asked a question of someone else…who would do the asking?” Rachel laughed, and said, “Me, if that’s okay.” “Yes!” I said. “I want to be asked.”
In October 2021, Rachel and I went on a vacation around Britsh Columbia, and during one amazingly lazy day, we drank wine in a hot tub and planned our wedding. I’m sorry, Fancy Party. We had similar desires and goals, and the mood was great, so I kept making intense eye contact at Rachel. She said, “I could ask you right now, but I want to be sober when it happens.” Which, okay, FAIR.
As the end of the year approached, several of our friends either got engaged or started talking about ring shopping and proposal planning. First of all, I have to say that I was so happy for them! But second of all, it felt like it was Everyone Gets An Engagement time, and a part of me wanted our moment to be special. It was impacting Rachel, too. In mid-December, she said she was feeling a lot of pressure to propose, to live up to other peoples’ stories, to do things based on other people rather than on us. I assured her that I didn’t want or need a big proposal, and that we could wait as long as we needed.
So IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when just a couple weeks later, she popped the question!
And that brings us right back to the start of this story, when on Christmas Eve I agreed to marry the most thoughtful, wonderful woman in the world.
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I’m Halli, or Halli Starling (she/they). @hallistarling on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr, and my website is hallistarling.com.
What queer book have you chosen to share with our readers today?
I’m sharing just the most amazing queer romance, An Unsuitable Heir by K.J. Charles. It’s a historical queer romance about Pen, who is a trapeze artist with his sister Greta in Victoria England. They’re “The Flying Starlings” and semi-famous. When Mark, a private detective, is tasked with tracking down a missing heir to an earldom, the trail leads him to Pen. But there’s a string of mysterious murders on that trail as well, and as Pen and Mark fall for each other, they grapple with their attraction as well as the danger before them.
Why is this book one of your favorites?
I….this book. This book made me WEEP with how tender it was. Let’s talk about the rep first: Mark, the private detective, was born with one arm (the other ends before his elbow), and Pen is neither he or she (there wouldn’t have been a “they” consideration during that time). He’s just Pen, and unlike anyone else. Everything about Mark and Pen’s relationship is understanding and sweet, and even when the danger upends their lives and they get dumped into the middle of a murder mystery, Mark has Pen’s back no matter what. I have never, ever seen disability and identity tied together in this way, especially not in a historical romance. I’m forever grateful to the author for creating these two incredible characters and the cast around them (the whole trilogy is brilliant, but this book broke me). And the end? THE END?? With the gold-yellow robe and Mark and Pen being loving and soft? My heart SOARED.
How would you describe yourself as a reader?
I’m a picky but voracious reader! I’ve always been like that, since the time I was a little kid and books were an escape from an abusive home life. I let fantasy worlds take me far away from the reality I lived in and I’m eternally grateful to every author who let me peek inside their imaginations.
As a queer person, have books helped you explore or express your queer identity?
Whew, what a question! I think the key word for me is “safely”. I struggled with my understanding of bi or pansexuality when I was around 14/15, because I grew up in a really rural area that was mostly white and seemingly straight. Reading books about other people, other identities, other ethnicities and experiences? It was a gateway for me, an open door invitation to understand more about the world. I was terrified of my own attractions and accused of being a “lesbian” by my mother when I spent a lot of time with a platonic female friend (her house was safer than mine, so it’s not difficult arithmetic!). And that accusation hurt in a way I couldn’t put words to. But I could read and explore safely on my own through books.
Other than reading, are there any queer nerdy recommendations that you would like to leave with our readers?
Don’t forget your librarians! Even if you need to reach out to a library not in your area, they’re so helpful (and if they’re judgey, kick them to the curb!). There are so many queer librarians ready to help – including me!
Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!
Genre | YA Contemporary Fiction Page #s | 516 Publishing Date | October 2021
In Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, two boys in a border town fell in love. Now, they must discover what it means to stay in love and build a relationship in a world that seems to challenge their very existence.
Ari has spent all of high school burying who he really is, staying silent and invisible. He expected his senior year to be the same. But something in him cracked open when he fell in love with Dante, and he can’t go back. Suddenly he finds himself reaching out to new friends, standing up to bullies of all kinds, and making his voice heard. And, always, there is Dante, dreamy, witty Dante, who can get on Ari’s nerves and fill him with desire all at once.
The boys are determined to forge a path for themselves in a world that doesn’t understand them. But when Ari is faced with a shocking loss, he’ll have to fight like never before to create a life that is truthfully, joyfully his own.
Goodreads
The long awaited sequel to one of my favorite books of all time,Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, this book had a lot to live up to! Aristotle and Dante Dive into the Waters of the World has the same quiet sweetness of its predecessor that builds upon previous themes in very satisfying ways.
In the first book, Ari learns to love himself and open up to the possibility of romantic love. In the sequel, his willingness to be vulnerable and let other people into his life expands to include family and friends…and even the odd teacher or two. He has always been a squishy heart and thoughtful mind in a sullen body, and it is so lovely to see him share all the parts of himself with others. And for many of them to essentially roll their eyes and say, “Yeah, we knew you were a squishy heart! Thanks for catching up!”
I also particularly loved seeing Ari, who spends 99% of his time in his head, discover the joys of a having a body. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book about a teenage boy discovering his sexuality in such an open, tasteful, and beautiful way. It helps that his love for Dante isn’t all, or even mostly, about sex. Ever the wise teenager, Ari spends a lot of time mulling over the intricacies and complications of loving someone vs. falling in love with someone. They are committed and thoughtful toward each other in a way that is somehow very believable for two 17-year-olds.
The whole book has a kind of dreamy, fantastical feel that is most obvious in the fact that there is very little plot happening here. In fact, the piece of plot that the book jacket forewarns you of doesn’t happen until at least 2/3 of the way through the book! It’s mostly just Ari having beautifully honest and poetic conversations with people. I have to admit that I sometimes thought this veered into the unrealistic, as almost no one says anything rude or incorrect (with one notable exception…but even then, Ari and his parents handle it perfectly). I advise readers to go in with the expectation that this is a book about healthy relationships, and enjoy the feast of examples before you.
On the topic of plot, I will whole-heartedly defend Saenz’s choice to make this YA book’s central conflict NOT “will they stay together” or “will our parents/friends approve of us” but instead, the focus is on, “How do I exist in the world as a gay person (in the 80s)?” This is perhaps a very personal opinion, but I am tired of dramatic coming out stories; however, I also don’t want all of my books to gloss over all of the struggles involved in coming out. I felt that this book balanced these two extremes very well.
Who Do I Recommend This Book To?
If you love a book about good people doing good things whilst saying beautiful things, then you have hit the jackpot with Aristotle and Dante Dive into the Waters of the World!
Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!
Starting Roar Cat Reads was the perfect motivation to intentionally read more queer books, but I never expected that I would read 66! I’ve listed the books read in the categories “L, G, B, T, Q,” but those categories are loose and focused on main characters despite many of them depicting a variety of queer relationships.
Click on the link for the full review and more detailed information!
Bloody Rose by Nicholas Eames (fantasy, lesbian mc, f/f)
Given the open-ended prompt of “can you write and/or talk about greatest show of all time Black Sails”—an ask I’ve been lucky enough to receive a few times since I fell for the show and started evangelizing for it five years ago—it’s hard for me to pick just one area of focus.
If I don’t start by zeroing in on a specific character (Thomas Hamilton!), I usually jump first to Black Sails as a post-colonial text, refashioning the historical record as a political act, and centering the marginalized to reclaim those histories from their oppressors. But that leaves me wanting to talk about the broader themes of narrative manipulation, the meta-ness threaded throughout the show: characters in the story repeatedly talking about how they’re characters in a story, the way they deliberately play with the idea of “character” as they reinvent themselves.
Of course that then leaves me wanting to talk about pirates—narrative was what Golden Age piracy was all about! Real pirates didn’t actually do a ton of fighting: garner a fearsome enough reputation, and crews of the ships you’re raiding will surrender without spilling a drop of blood. But real pirate history just leads me to a wider history of the period, the actual rabbit hole I tumbled down when I was at the height of my Black Sails fandom: English history around the turn of the 18th century, imagining how the politics and social conditions of the late Restoration would have fundamentally shaped these characters’ lives.
But when this particular “can you write something about Black Sails” ask came in, I was falling hard for another show—one that, on its surface, doesn’t have very much to do with 18th-century pirates. AMC’s Halt and Catch Fire is a drama about technologists at the dawn of personal computing who are always on the cusp of the next big thing; it begins in Dallas, Texas in 1983, and follows the characters over the course of the next decade. Coincidentally, HACF aired at the same time as Black Sails—2014-2017—and also like Black Sails, its fourth and final season brought the story to an intentional (very satisfying!) conclusion.
Those are surfacey coincidences, of course. But digging a little deeper, parallel elements and themes run through them both: their ideas about reinvention, or the way they handle their protagonists’ queerness, or the way they show a broader spectrum of human relationships than a lot of media I’ve encountered, particularly the idea of partnership as romance. So when I was asked to write about Black Sails and half-joked, “As much as I love Black Sails, it’ll be hard for me to think about another show right now,” I was delighted when I was encouraged to actually write about them both: a letter of recommendation for HACF for people who love Black Sails.
Halt and Catch Fire was pitched as “Mad Men but computers in the 1980s,” and its first few episodes carry the clunkiness of that premise—the main characters are attempting to reverse-engineer an IBM PC, and critics were quick to draw on that conceptually as they accused the show’s writers of trying to reverse-engineer Mad Men, which was still on the air and was, of course, one of AMC’s biggest hits of all time. But halfway through the first season, it starts to shuck off that premise and free its characters from the archetypes that initially bound them—and by the second season, it starts to truly come into its own, shifting from a show about computers to a show about the people working on those computers.
Though it becomes a true ensemble show, the ostensible protagonist of HACF isJoe MacMillan, played by Lee Pace (if I wrote a “letter of recommendation for HACF for people who love Lee Pace,” it’d simply read, “Seriously you haven’t watched this yet??”). Joe is the aforementioned queer protagonist—he’s bisexual, written and portrayed in a beautifully nuanced way, especially with one particular storyline in the final season that’s my favorite of the entire show. A slick-talking salesman with grand visions for the future of technology, Joe initially brings together hardware engineer Gordon Clark (Scoot McNairy), a sort of sadsack failed-genius type, and software engineer Cameron Howe (Mackenzie Davis): a young, brash gamer who’s able to write such beautiful code that she never feels like she has to compromise on anything.
The early trio eventually breaks apart, and in the second season, Gordon’s wife, Donna (Kerry Bishé) is elevated from her season one role of “Gordon’s wife” to an equal fourth slot in the ensemble—also a hardware engineer, she enters into a working partnership with Cameron at an early online gaming start-up called Mutiny. Their partnership—and the enduring one between Gordon and Joe—are the heart of the show, even more than the characters’ configurations in traditional romantic relationships (in addition to the Clarks’ marriage, Joe and Cameron’s on-again, off-again relationship is a beautifully entertaining train wreck).
HACF leans into the theme of work-as-romance; it partly feels fueled by the technology industry itself and the mythos around start-up co-founders, but it’s partly about the specific way the show privileges the emotional depth of these working partnerships: what it means to love the person you’re collaborating with, and how the fracturing of a partnership can be as emotionally scarring as any romantic breakup. And because they’re all working around the same technologies and the same ideas, their romantic relationships complicate their work, too: it all leaves you beautifully frustrated by how much potential they could have, the things they could create, if only they could actually manage to work together.
Black Sails plays with similar configurations of overlapping platonic and romantic partnerships: where HACF leans into duos, Black Sails loves a trio, from Flint and the Hamiltons to Flint, Silver, and Madi, or the original Ranger trio followed by Max, Anne, and Jack. The murky spaces of these triangles offer some of the greatest pleasures of Black Sails: sorting out interpersonal desires from actual shared ideals and goals, and the sort of push-and-pull between them, as each side of the triangle brings traits that balance out the others.
The shows’ shared themes of reinvention feel both parallel to each other as well as contextually specific—where Black Sails plays with reinvention in its meta-exploration of narrative, HACF is working within the overarching ethos of the tech industry, where the cycle of failure, pivot, and reinvention are so elevated and romanticized that they’re essentially a Silicon Valley cliché. All the characters shift a great deal over the course of the decade-long timeline of the show, but none so much as Joe: there is a wholly new Joe MacMillan every season, each 180 a pleasure to try and untangle, as you sort the artifice from the genuine. On the surface, these shows feel somewhat distant, audience-wise: my friends who love Black Sails tend to like genre fare, and my friends who love HACF like, well, other AMC dramas. But I think that the complexities of each of these shows—and the ways they overlap thematically—create plenty of space between the two. If you love Black Sails and you’re looking for a show that portrays a full and complicated array of intimacies between characters, I highly recommend Halt and Catch Fire. (Plus, a reminder: Lee Pace!)
Elizabeth Minkel (she/her) is a writer, editor, and consultant who focuses on digital technologies and fan culture. I’ve written about fandom (and other topics) for the New Statesman,The Millions, The Guardian, The New Yorker, and more. (See “clips” for a full(er) list.) I co-host a podcast about fandom called “Fansplaining” with Flourish Klink, and I collaborate with Gavia Baker-Whitelaw on “The Rec Center,” a weekly newsletter featuring fandom articles, fanart, and fic recs, which was a finalist for a Hugo Award in 2020.
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Genre | Fantasy Page #s | 373 Publishing Date | September 2021
When a reaper comes to collect Wallace Price from his own funeral, Wallace suspects he really might be dead.
Instead of leading him directly to the afterlife, the reaper takes him to a small village. On the outskirts, off the path through the woods, tucked between mountains, is a particular tea shop, run by a man named Hugo. Hugo is the tea shop’s owner to locals and the ferryman to souls who need to cross over.
But Wallace isn’t ready to abandon the life he barely lived. With Hugo’s help he finally starts to learn about all the things he missed in life.
When the Manager, a curious and powerful being, arrives at the tea shop and gives Wallace one week to cross over, Wallace sets about living a lifetime in seven days.
Under the Whispering Door is a contemporary fantasy about a ghost who refuses to cross over and the ferryman he falls in love with.
Goodreads
After falling entirely in love with The House in the Cerulean Sea, I couldn’t wait to dive into T.J. Klune’s newest book, Under the Whispering Door. I set my expectations too high, and the cozy novel wound up falling flat for me.
This isn’t necessarily a bad book, although I will die on the hill that it has a bad ending. Instead, I just felt very “meh” as I read through the story. In a book about life after death, it may seem ridiculous to claim that it didn’t feel very realistic, but. It didn’t. Part of this stems from the fact that the rules about the afterlife are wibbly wobbly at best, and not in a charming Doctor Who way. I kept asking questions of the book, like “Why aren’t there more people coming through this way station?” and even when the book acknowledged this fact itself, the explanation fell flat. The truth is, Klune wanted to write a gay romance between a ghost and a living man, and honestly, more power to him! But that ghost was also not very well written.
Wallace is comically terrible in his introductory scene, but when he abruptly dies, he quickly loses all of his fire. Again, that sounds pretty reasonable! But I felt that there wasn’t enough of a hint of good in him at the start nor was there enough of his bad qualities there in the end to make his character arc feel cohesive. Speaking of unrealistic characters, all of the people (living and dead) at Charon’s Crossing are snarky but wise, like a Gilmore Girls therapist. It was too much and too little simultaneously.
That isn’t to say the book is all bad. I loved the ghost dog, messing with those trying to commune with the dearly departed, and the beauty of helping those who die full of pain. Klune’s wit and charm are evident on every page. But despite all of that…I wish I had just reread The House in the Cerulean Sea.
Who Do I Recommend This Book To?
If you’re looking for a breezy book with some deep thoughts, you can do worse than Under the Whispering Door.
Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!
In 2021, readers were most interested in our big ticket posts, like the reason behind our October charity event and our summer book bingo. There was also a lot of clicks for the more personal posts on the site, like my essays on biphobia and coming out (to myself!) later in life. I’m thrilled that Black Sails got some significant love, both in my post about the awesome dragon speech, and for some reason, episode 108 specifically. We wouldn’t be a queer nerdy site if D&D didn’t get some attention, so it’s fitting that two of our TTRPG posts blew up, one reviewing published material and the other ranking a fictional monster fight. Two interviews finish out the list with the women behind an adorable dog food store and, well, me!
For those fans who become interested in historical pirate history because of Black Sails, The Republic of Pirates by Colin Woodard is generally agreed to be the best place to start your research. It’s an excellent work of non-fiction on its own: chaptered in roughly year-long periods within which we focus on the stories of four or so men, its very readable and easy to follow. But for fans of Black Sails, this is a treasure trove of “Oh my gosh, that was REAL?”
The Republic of Pirates focuses primarily upon pirates Bellamy, Hornigold, Blackbeard, and pirate hunter Woodes Rogers. We also get a substantial amount of Charles Vane, and the tiniest, but delightfulest, of tastes of Calico Jack Rackham and Anne Bonny. Of these, Bellamy is the only historical pirate that does not make an appearance in Black Sails, although his Robin Hood-esque anti-England mentality lives on in our main man, James Flint.
Although the timelines shift and the events are obviously not exact, I was impressed by how much the show’s characters mirror reality. For example, Hornigold really was an old-school pirate who was one of the first to accept an English pardon, and he did in fact become a pirate hunter as a result. Blackbeard is larger than life both in history and in Black Sails, even down to his famous bandolier of pistols. I was just as distraught by his death in this book as I was in the show, and though the manner in which it happens was not the same, it is equally as epic. Woodes Rogers is almost entirely the man we know from the show, a privateer governor (though historically he was also a slave trader) who scrambles to establish his authority and is eventually bankrupted by his efforts.
Charles Vane is just as much of a “proper pirate” in history as in the show, refusing to accept a pardon and taking down former brothers who abandon the cause. He’s also presented as the most ruthless of the pirates (most of the pirates killed very few men on captured ships), which brought to mind Eleanor’s comment about the crew of the Ranger being animals. Although they are not in the book very long, I loved the historical story of Jack Rackham and Anne Bonny. When they ask governmental permission for Anne to annul her marriage so that she can marry Jack, Woodes Rogers refuses, saying that if they move forward with this, he will jail Anne and force Jack to whip her. In answer, they renege on their pardons and turn pirate again!
I was also delighted to learn that the Urca de Lima was a real Spanish ship that was wrecked, along with her massive defense ships, littering beaches with gold for the taking. It is not quite the story presented in Black Sails, but the same desperate scramble for gold is there.
All of this is excellent, but by far my favorite part of this book was the description of what life in England was like during the early 1700s, especially for sailors. The gross pay disparities, the forced work, the violent punishments for small infractions – it really made me understand why piracy was so appealing to so many “normal” men. It wasn’t a desire for hedonism so much as an escape from tyrannical rule. My empathy grew even greater once I understood the historical context for their actions.
The one downside to this book is the appalling lack of women, which I suppose isn’t surprising given that history largely ignored the roles women played. One more reason why Black Sails is excellent for intentionally giving women a place and a voice!
I highly recommend lovers of pirates or Black Sails read The Republic of Pirates by Colin Woodard. Enjoy!
Genre | Non-fiction Page #s | 210 Publishing Date | September 2020
An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that’s obsessed with sexual attraction, and what we can all learn about desire and identity by using an ace lens to see the world
What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through the world not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about consent, about compromise, about the structures of society? This exceedingly accessible guide to asexuality shows that the issues that aces face—confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships—are conflicts that all of us need to address as we move through the world.
Through interviews, cultural criticism, and memoir, ACE invites all readers to consider big-picture issues through the lens of asexuality, because every place that sexuality touches our world, asexuality does too.
Journalist Angela Chen uses her own journey of self-discovery as an asexual person to unpretentiously educate and vulnerably connect with readers, effortlessly weaving analysis of sexuality and societally imposed norms with interviews of ace people. Among those included are the woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that “not wanting sex” was a sign of serious illness, and the man who grew up in an evangelical household and did everything “right,” only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Also represented are disabled aces, aces of color, non-gender-conforming aces questioning whether their asexuality is a reaction against stereotypes, and aces who don’t want romantic relationships asking how our society can make room for them.
Goodreads
The Roar Cat Reads community includes many people who identify as asexual, and I’ve long felt like the term demisexual could be a good fit for me. Despite this, I was eager to read Chen’s book to further educate myself and dispel cultural stereotypes about asexuality. I was not disappointed! This is a phenomenal book that is equally useful for those within and without the asexual community.
For those who identify as asexual (or who might after learning more about the term), this book offers validation and inclusion. Asexuality is a spectrum with many lived experiences. Although the thing that binds asexuals is a lack of desire for sex, there is still a huge variety within the community of those who are sex-repelled, those who enjoy sex, and those who are somewhere in between. Additionally, the book covers aromanticism and the way that this interacts with asexuality. “If you think you belong, then you belong” seems to be the message of this book.
For those who are not asexual, Ace does a great job providing frames of reference to allow anyone a brief glimpse from an asexual perspective (the anecdote about the game show Naked Attraction was very effective). Chen also calmly takes apart common stereotypes that exist about sexuality with compassion and an utter lack of judgment.
My favorite chapters were those that dealt with the intersection between asexuality and race and/or disability. There are cultural stereotypes about Asian men and disabled people that cause asexuals within these groups to feel like they are letting down the cause by seemingly supporting the stereotype. Desire is a nebulous concept impacted by multiple factors, and Chen allows for all of this, ultimately insisting that the label of asexuality applies if you want it to apply.
As soon as I finished this book, I wanted to read it again. It’s so educational and inspiring, and I want its messages to sink even deeper into my brain! Definitely a book worth buying.
Who Do I Recommend This Book To?
This book is great for everyone, but for different reasons. If you are asexual, or think you might be, this book will validate your experience. If you’re not asexual, this book will educate and enlighten.
Check out our Queer Lil Library for more book recommendations and reviews!
Another queer, cozy reads entry? Heck yes! But this time, I’m making it historical (because apparently I am a sucker for both manners, bending societal rules, and queer people finding friends and love in times when you couldn’t be so open).
I am apparently a one trick pony when I find an author I really like. I am also weak for roguish characters. And grumpy characters who melt under better/the right treatment. It’s classic KJ Charles but, like with many of her books, takes a fun spin on tropes and makes for a delightful read that is perfect for curling up with. Her characters also always feel so real, and I do find that to be rather rare in most fiction in general, but especially in genres like romance and fantasy. So take one part “I know you are fortune hunting my niece”, add in a brewery, a socially awkward noble, a brother and sister pair of “nobodies” named (get this) Robin and Marianne Loxleigh (readers, I CHORTLED), and add in some lovely, swoony m/m romance and you have totally delightful read.
Also intensely delightful is the first book in the Pentecost and Parker series by Stephen Spotswood! We’ve got a queer character, a character suffering from MS, a mystery, and a fun, clever romp through post World War II New York. There aren’t really romantic aspects, so as much as I am a sucker for a queer love story, the focus here is really on the mystery of a young woman who was bludgeoned to death. But even the set up is kind of cozy – Will’s knife throwing skills she learned in the circus saved Lillian’s life, and with Lillian’s progressive MS diagnosis, she needs more help in the day-to-day of her private investigator business. Three years later, Will is solidly Lillian’s right-hand woman and they make a good mystery solving pair. But Will’s attraction to the deceased’s daughter might make her the next target for the killer.
Remember I said one trick pony when I have an author I really like? I’m also a huge Cat Sebastian fan and her newest book is so damn delightful. (Also, the cover has a more modern rom-com style to it and I LOVE that for this book.) You’re poised, at the beginning, to think one of our leads, Percy, might be a bit of a jerk. He’s definitely not, but he has a manner of seduction about him that certainly isn’t quite what Kit is expecting. Especially not when it walks into his coffee shop like a far too well-dressed noble who only has eyes for Kit as he slings caffeine to his regulars. But Percy needs Kit, because Kit used to be known as Gladhand Jack, an infamous highwayman, and Percy needs to steal a book from his (real piece of shit) father. The book was his mother’s and holds some secrets Percy needs access to. Kit refuses the job, but he does try to teach Percy how to conduct the theft on his own. Readers, it is so fun and kind of campy and sweet and sexy and it’s the perfect cozy read.
Halli Starling (she/they) writes fantasy worlds, vampires, and romance, focusing on stories with deep emotional investment. And the occasional bloody bit of violence.
A tie. Well not really, Team Sorto was deemed to be the greatest courtesy of the massive hoard of points on their bench. But glancing at the scores, 126.32 – 126.32 is quite an accomplishment. Luckily we don’t have to wait long for these teams to play again.
the replacements vs Purple Moose
Amy managed to right the ship this week, putting up 141 points to beat the Purple Moose and secure their playoff spot.
Beards vs Fire Pandas
For a long time this weekend it looked like the Beards were ready to be ignited. Instead, the Panda’s soft glow highlighted the the manicured facial landscape that was the Beards’ week 14 performance.
Real Slim Brady vs Eurasian Collared Doves
Krista had two of her key players return to form and lead Real Slim Brady to victory with Kamara and Chase turning it on just in time for the playoffs. I doubt John noticed that his team lost last week as he was busy welcoming the newest member of his family to the world. Baby Mermista…sorry, Mallory, you have joined us just in time for playoffs! Will your first word be (an incredibly early) coo?
Bad News Bears vs Battling Finger Puppets
It really looked for a while like Kupp and Connor might pull off an unlikely win for Carrie. Unfortunately, the rest of the team just left too much work to be done, and Jonathan was victorious once again. The chart lied, but are we really surprised?
Final Regular Season Standings
Dear Falkowski, this blog has made a lot of fun of you and wished for your demise on an almost weekly basis, but I would like to take this opportunity to say congratulations on finishing first in the regular season! Your masterfully drafted and crafted team tore through the competition like a bear through a fly sheet. Your two losses pale in comparison to your mighty hoard of twelve wins. I would like to award you with…oh wait, we’re in North America, there is no trophy for the arguably harder task of finishing first in the regular season, it’s all about the playoffs here! But still, good job!
Preview of This Week’s Games
Seacows vs Team Sorto
One of them will win, one of them will lose, they will perhaps draw again. The battle for number one (pick) begins.
Eurasian Collared Doves vs Bad News Bears
Russell Wilson is back in at QB for the Doves and many of their players have been trending up. The Doves will need to be firing on both wings to bring down the Bad News Bears and keep the playoff dream alive.
Purple Moose vs Fire Pandas
These two teams are tied at one win each in their regular season matchups. Memorably the Fire Pandas broke the Moose’s win streak in week 4 and most recently in week 12 the Moose got their revenge. This meeting will break the tie and decide who will progress to round 2.
Beards vs Real Slim Brady
Another team that is tied in regular season matchups, the Beards won the last meeting in a landslide, but the projection favors Real Slim Brady.
Replacements vs Finger Puppets
The replacements strategy should now be to score all the points all the time and they will need to – the Battling Finger Puppets are projected to score 130 points and are the favorite in this match up.
Roar Cat Reads 